The A-Z Guide For Successful Singles: D is for Dating – 3 Essential Rules

When we talk about dating, we take for granted that we are talking about the same thing, but are we? Is dating “playing the field” and going out with lots of different people with the aim of finding out your potential partner? Or does dating mean, you have chosen one person that you are going out with in the early stages of a relationship?

Is it “let’s get together and go for a drink and see if we like each other”? Or is dating when you are in a stable relationship which is intending to be long term? Is dating more about the activity? Is it a preplanned 1:1 activity, like going to dinner and a movie?

I was speaking to a friend recently who had gone out on a couple of ‘dates’ with one particular man. He was suddenly acting possessive and began interrogating her about her every move and whether she was going out with other men. To him, their dates meant they had an exclusive relationship, while to her it meant going out with lots of men until she met the one she wanted an exclusive relationship with. There was a nasty exchange and and, needless to say, no more contact between them.

If you’ve just come out of a relationship, dating may mean, going out with lots of different people for fun, social enjoyment or just building your confidence. When you’ve done that for awhile, you may be thinking about wanting to ‘settle down.’ In this case your definition of dating may only want to ‘date’ people you think you might be interested in for a long term relationship.

Rule 1- Know What You Mean

There is no right or wrong definition of dating and your definition of dating may change over time. By getting clear about what you mean by ‘dating’ you will avoid potential misunderstandings, like my friend had. You’ll avoid getting hurt and you’ll avoid upsetting or hurting others too.

Rule 2 – Do As You Say

Keep your behavior consistent with what you mean by dating. There is no point in saying that you are ‘dating’ lots of people for fun and enjoyment, then be upset when the person you are on a date with reveals that they are ‘dating’ other people too.

If you do this, you are certainly giving a mixed message to the other person which can only lead to confusion, hurt and upset. Likewise you give a perception of being a dishonest person – saying one thing and having expectations about something different.

Rule 3 – Be Who You Are

The third and final rule is simply to be yourself. There is so much “advice” by the experts about the ‘rules’ of dating – what men should do and what women should do. Most of this advice is not based on research evidence. Rather it’s based on old stereotypes and giving people what they want to hear -because it sells.

With the growth of the internet, one in five singles is said to look for love on the Web. Looking for love on the internet has led to a dramatic shift in dating patterns. Traditionally, for example, men were expected to fill the role of the “pursuer”. However, the anonymity of the Internet (as well as other factors) has allowed women to take on that role online. In fact, a recent study indicated that “women pay to contact men as often as the reverse.

So while the dating advice will tell you that men want to ‘chase’ and women want to be chased – if that isn’t you, follow your own rules. As I once read somewhere, “don’t try to be someone else, they are already taken.”

Trying to be like someone you are “supposed” to be is like saying you’re not good enough or not “ok” enough. By being the best of YOU, you will meet the person that is just right for you.

“If you look in the mirror and see an amazing person with lots to offer,

people will see you that way too.

If you don’t like yourself and the person you see in your mirror, why

would anyone else?”

Susanne Jorgensen (Get Real! Relationship Is An Inside Job - http://tinyurl.com/yjfbjk3 )