Your suggested venue should, of course, be tailored to your partner (well, both of you, ideally, as you’re hopefully a similar type of person).
A nice bar’s a good opening gambit but if the other person’s made it clear they’re a real ale fanatic who spends most of their week nights in a mosh pit, your choice might fall flat.
Also, don’t suggest somewhere really expensive (unless you’re both loaded, in which case have fun) as this can be very offputting – indeed, prohibitive – to some people. A mid-range, not-too-shouty place will do fine. No nasty chain bars: nowhere with horrible lighting and deafening acoustics. The best places for a date can be characterised as “mellow, with a bit of buzz”.
If you share a passion for something, there’s no harm in suggesting a tie-in date, eg a gig for music fans or a gallery for art lovers.
When thinking about the best places for a date, consider picking an area with potential, like the South Bank or Upper Street (for readers in London) – for the early dates, at least, when you want everything to run like clockwork. Why? Over to Damian, 38.
“There’s a bar I love just off Bond Street and I’ve been on quite a few dates there. The problem is that I’ve never managed to find any other bars near it.
“So when the dates have gone well and I’ve suggested going on somewhere else for a change of scene, we found ourselves wandering down Bond Street, hoping to stumble across somewhere. We didn’t, until we were way north of Oxford Street.”
• Best places for a date: other factorsPick somewhere that sells food. If you rush straight from work to a bar, you’ll end up getting tipsy very quickly on an empty stomach. Having food at your venue is a smart option.
• Hotel bars. An overlooked resource, if you can afford them. You also need to pick the right ones – many are overly opulent and often deserted! A good choice if you know what you’re doing, though. A bit OTT for first dates but fine for date three or four, depending on your “read” on your partner.
• Rooftop bars and any place with a nice view. Again, gold dust and perfect for a summer’s evening. Find out where they are, add them to your new venues hitlist, and pray for some good weather.
• Picking a poor location, part 1. Use some common sense – a venue in the middle of nowhere, that’s a quarter of an hour’s walk from a tube station or is on some obscure bus route is not going to be one of the best places for a date. And don’t pick somewhere just because it’s near where you live, you selfish fool!
• Picking a poor location, part 2: No awful chain pubs, please. A roomful of blokes shouting at a football match isn’t going to make for great ambience. Suggest somewhere decent.
• Places change hands quickly and boy you’re going to feel stupid if that French bar is now a transvestites’ equipment store. If you haven’t been to your chosen venue for a while, phone them up to check they still exist.
• Chaps, if you’re going for a drink, plan to get there 10 minutes early to grab a table. If they’re all taken when you arrive, you should be able to find a vacant one in that time. And it gives you time to have a nerve-calming drink, too.
• Don’t suggest a restaurant meal for a first date. It’s far too formal for what is basically a feeling-out process. It’s a complete waste of time and money if one of you doesn’t want to see the other one again.
• Suggesting a film (or play) as a first date is a bit irregular, too, as the whole point of the evening is to find out about the other person, not to sit there in silence. But if you’ve both expressed a love of Tarantino and his new film is out that week, it could work. After all, there’s time for a drink before or after. rnAnd if you’ve effortlessly hit it off with someone online and judge it the right thing to be, it’s fine to suggest alternative places such as a picnic in the park in summer or outdoor skating in the winter. Christmas markets, bowling alleys, whatever takes your fancy. Otherwise, play safe with the pub or bar.
A common problem, even for people who have lived for a decade or more in a big city, is that you tend to go to the same places. But this habit can be defeated, with the help of a little planning.
There are plenty of solutions to finding new ideas for the best places for a date:
• Online and real-world guides. Try websites such as
www.viewlondon.co.uk or Time Out or splash out on its excellent London’s Best Bars: 500 Great Places to Drink in the Capital.
• Ask friends for ideas. There’s nothing easier than making it a Facebook update or a Tweet: “Am bored with going to the same bars in London. Can people suggest some nice places, please? Preferably not too shouty places that sell food. Thank you!”
• Hold on to the ideas! Here at Dating Doc we decided to start our own list of the best place for a date, ie great pubs, bars and restaurants. In just a quarter of an hour we’d brainstormed 25 places. You can read about them in our (London) venue guide, coming soon. Keep your own list handy on your email account so it can be accessed for those last-minute, post-work meetups.