Break ups can be painful and leave you feeling broken hearted whether you were on the giving or the receiving end of the break up. Why is this and what is going on in most break up situations?

Well, when one person breaks up with another. The person getting dumped feels a very real and intense feeling called rejection. They feel as if their love and affection was not good enough to sustain the relationship, despite their best efforts.

This feeling of rejection is probably the most widely-known feeling that someone will encounter after a break up. After all it is this feeling that usually creates all those desperate actions that many of us may be guilty of (myself included).

However, the other side of the coin is that the person who broke the relationship off also feels an equally intense and painful emotion. This feeling is called guilt.

No one wants to feel as though they cause pain and suffering to other people, and that includes the person initiating the break up.

When they see the sense of rejection and that immense emotional pain that the other person is in, they can’t help but feel responsible for causing this feeling. This results in them feeling guilt.

Thus, the elements for the Break Up Circle of Pain are in place. The rejected person feels the urge to reach out and contact the person who initiated the break up. They want to prove themselves, the understand the break up better, or try to work things out.

However, the guilty person doesn’t want any sort of contact with the rejected person. They feel guilty for the pain they caused them and they want to keep their distance. After all every interaction that they have with this person only reminds them of the pain that they are responsible for causing.

Thus this painful dance plays out for sometimes as long as several months. One person reaching out while the other avoids them.

This is a very painful thing to go through and the pain will only stop when one person is willing to break the pattern, heal their broken heart, try a different approach.

Break ups can be one of the most emotional things that someone will experience in their life time. Whether you are on the giving or the receiving end, the pain that you feel can be intense. However, the situation will only get better once you can break the cycle of mutual pain, rejection, and guilt.

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If you found this article helpful, also check out how to get over a broken heart and how to heal a broken heart.