As I was watching yet another news story on bullying, I just wanted to crawl into the tv and say, “Why can’t you see the solution??” I felt like I had bought my glasses from a different store than anyone else!
Our children are not born bullies…a phrase that I hope one day becomes a mantra for every single parent, teacher, coach and person working with kids. As I continued to watch I thought that one move in the right direction would be to change the definition of what it means to bully, so I wrote this:
Dear Dictionary,
Please amend the current definition for bullying to:
Any act, be it physical, verbal or non-verbal, that makes someone feel bad about themselves, not good enough.
There is an epidemic that pervades our society more than any disease that has ever existed – feeling not good enough.
It’s the common thread that runs through not only bullying, but the issues of obesity, depression, addictions, suicide and more!
In order to find the solution, we have to start asking ourselves the tough questions. There a way too many to mention but we can start with these general ones:
How do I treat my kids/partner when I’m mad?
Do I compare my kids to their friends, siblings, teammates?
Do I treat my child differently when they bring home an A or an F?
Do I express my disappointment when my kid doesn’t meet my expectations?
Do I punish my child when they act up?
This is just scratching the surface, but you get the idea. Now I know many of you may be getting a little incensed right now…I know because I did when I was asked to look at and take responsibility for my behavior…but we have to!
If we were honest with ourselves we would see that we have all been on either side of the bullying fence and if we ever hope to have harmony in our schools or our homes we have to have the courage to ask the tough questions!
This is a wake-up call that comes straight from the heart with unbridled compassion for every child who is bullied and for those who have become the bullies – they each express their feelings of not good enough in a different way, yet both in the way they have been taught.
We can stop this epidemic in its tracks by finding a way to heal our own feelings of not good enough so we don’t pass them along to our children and once we do that we will inspire a new legacy and generation of kids who are empowered and who would never need to put down another in order to feel better about themselves!
Harmony in our schools can and will happen when there is harmony in our homes and the solution lies in being a role model of unconditional love.

Author's Bio: 

As an author, speaker and family communication specialist, Jo-Anne Cutler has become a passionate voice for children by building the awareness of what we are teaching them by our example and following her vision to inspire and empower others to be the consciously connected parents, teachers and role models our children need them to be. She has created an audio program called Breaking the Cycle, is in the process of writing her own book and a certified coach using The Inner Workout™ program. Jo-Anne is also the author of several published articles, co-author of 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2. and 101 Top Child Development and Parenting Articles. She offers private/virtual/phone coaching and consultations as well as a free monthly e-newsletter and blog. For more information please visit