The Embarrassed Daughter

No one likes to feel embarrassed and avoiding embarrassment is one of the strongest social motivations people have. Embarrassment has its positive side by keeping us from doing something that would harm us or others. But over-avoidance of embarrassment can stifle a girl's development of her unique personality and weaken a healthy sense of adventure. nFor girls, trying to avoid embarrassment can be a huge motivation, especially at the developmental stages when they have a somewhat fragile sense of self. Knowing how to accept and cope with embarrassment, and even learn from it, is a valuable skill for us to help girls develop. To go after what she really wants in life, she'll need to be able to endure some embarrassment.n n What to Say and DonFear of embarrassing moments is a big thing with tween girls. When she's ready, it's healthy to laugh with her about an embarrassing situation.

• That was so silly, it makes me smile just thinking about it. If she's easily embarrassed, you need to be especially sensitive, help her understand her feelings and work through the embarrassment in an affirming way.
• That was embarrassing. You hung in there and you handled it really well.
• I know it felt like everyone was laughing at you but they were really laughing more at themselves and thinking about their own embarrassing moments.
• It sounds like Tara embarrasses other girls because she feels insecure. How can you remind yourself it's not about you?

nWhat Not to Say and DonDon't underestimate the power of embarrassment. Don't say:

• It's no big deal.
• Why do you care about being embarrassed?
• Get over it.
• You're too sensitive.
• You overreact.

nDon't emphasize her embarrassment or laugh at it if she's feeling hurt by it. Don't say:

• Just laugh at yourself.
• You looked ridiculous.
• I couldn't stop laughing.
• What a loser.