Forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is about freeing OURSELVES from the pain, anger, resentment and negativity we hold against someone else so WE can move forward. I believe the reason it is so difficult to find forgiveness is because we believe saying “I forgive you” means the same as saying “what you did was okay”. However, this is not the case. Forgiveness is not about saying what was done was “OK”; it is about offering a deep understanding toward the other person. If someone does something that necessitates forgiveness it is because their actions are coming from a place of pain, anger or discontent within themselves and has absolutely nothing at all to do with you. It is NOT personal so do not take anything anyone does or says “against” you personally.

When you live without forgiving you are choosing to live in pain and in the past. This will create the inability to move forward in your own life and in future relationships. You will become afraid of opening up and of being hurt; building walls to keep out any possibility of being hurt again. What you do not realize is that you are only hurting yourself. You think you are punishing the other person by holding a grudge toward them but you are only punishing yourself.

We have to remember that we do not know what is inside someone else. We don’t know what drives them to do “right” or “wrong”, to lie or not to lie, to cheat or not to cheat. But what we do know is that we have a choice. We can offer our understanding, knowing it has nothing to do with us and move on or we can hold onto the pain, anger and resentment that we CHOOSE to feel. No one is to blame for how we feel but ourselves, and yes, this is hard to do at times. Even I have allowed the words and actions of someone else control how I felt and where did it take me? It took me to a place I never want to go again. A place where emotion and pain run way too high for comfort. So what did I do? I remembered I had a choice; I can feel good or I can feel bad. And then I offered forgiveness with a deep understanding and it was then that I was able to move on and oh what a “freeing” feeling it was!

So ask yourself this ~ are you holding onto any pain, anger or resentment because of someone else, because you have not been unable to forgive them? Do you love yourself enough to free yourself from those feelings? Would you like to allow yourself the freedom of forgiveness? Then I say this to you….yes you….just do it. Just let go and move on! There is no need to figure it out, pick it apart, analyze what happen or blame yourself. It was never about you anyways ~ you are perfect exactly as you are and so are they. Find forgiveness in your heart and allow yourself the peace of mind and well-being you deserve!

Author's Bio: 

I am a Personal Development Life Coach. My knowledge and expertise comes from 25 years of study and experience. I have helped others through life’s most challenging obstacles such as fear, depression, addictions, and relationship transitions. Through my own life changing experiences and education, I am able to see what others sometimes can’t, bringing to light what holds them back from living the life they want to live. Please feel free to visit me at for more information.