Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have intense self-hatred and shame as a result of unresolved emotional wounds generally obtained in childhood. Anarcissistic personality internalised the abusive messages and projections of his or her surroundings and parental figures.

Children are vulnerable and don’t have boundaries and therefore absorb negative messages, internalise them and construct them to mean ‘This is about me’. An individual with narcissistic personality disorder decided at a very young age that the ‘escape’ of a False Self was far preferable than suffering emotional annihilation.

A fantasy world is created by an individual with narcissistic personality disorder whereby he or she is the glorified ‘star’ of a grandiose existence. This ‘script’is in direct contrast to the inner battering voice of ‘You are bad, unacceptable and worthless’.

An individualsuffering from narcissistic personality disorder has to maintain a fragile ego existence in order to escape relentless internalised self-hatred, and needs people to mirror back energy to maintain his or her False Self.

A person with narcissistic personality disorder relies on attention (narcissistic supply) to emotionally survive. Initially this will be the acclaim, compliments and ‘wonder’ of how incredible the narcissist’s charm secures supply for the False Self’s conscripted ideal of being ‘incredible’ ‘special’ and ‘perfect’.

Thenarcissistic personality due to disowning his or her True Self, has a non-functioning self-acceptance mechanism, thereforethe narcissistic personalityis repulsed by his or her internal wounds, dysfunctions and flaws and will fiercely and vengefully protect the False Self’s grandiose version instead.Inevitably the mask falls, because the False Self is only an illusion it is not real, and what emerges is the narcissist’s true personality – the damaged, disowned self.

This occurs when a comment, slight, critique, action or opinion (real or imagined) threatens the glorified version of the False Self and the narcissist’s entire emotional foundation feels threatened. This is when the wrath and the need to punish the individual who is not pandering to the False Self occurs.A person with narcissistic personality disorder has a highly disordered mind which cannot take personal responsibility. According to the narcissist’s automatic defence mechanisms ‘You are the reason for me feeling bad, and you must be punished for this.’

Theunsuspecting person who has only known ‘Mr or Mrs Wonderful’ (despite previous red flags) is completely overwhelmed by the avalanche of rage, defensiveness, childish behaviour,vengeance and non-ability to see or act with commonsense. The narcissistic personality has no ability to be accountable (genuinely) for his or her behaviour, and in fact will blame, project (assign blame to others) and attack harder when faced with being made accountable.

This happens because the narcissist’sdisownedinternal wounds of abuse never went away. The False Self used as the ‘comfort’ to avoid these wounds caused the narcissist’s True Self to be undeveloped, and eventually null and void. There are no internal resources for the narcissist to face the inner wounds and the narcissist knows this – and therefore taking ownership of them is avoided at all and any cost. Therefore the projecting, non-accountable and pathological False Self must remain otherwise the internal demonised voices would finally take over, engulf and emotionally destroy the narcissist. This is why narcissistic personalities don’t change.

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