After about 20 years of doing my own inner work and listening to many clients tell me their life stories, I’ve arrived at the perspective that the number one need of any person is to feel and know unconditional love - by being seen and heard. When we are not acknowledged for who we truly are, as a human being and as a multi-dimensional being, it awakens painful wounding with many tentacles. It has been that way ever since the human race was subjugated into the cycle of self-enslavement, and the harmony of the Divine Mother and Divine Father was seen as a threat to the off-planet controlling races. It's worth reflecting then, that if we've experienced and learned that we've not been seen and heard in our wholeness, how can we see ourselves and hear ourselves in our Divinity now?

The Experience of Not Being Seen and Heard

To first get a sense of what this topic might mean to you, I've listed here some of the ways that you may not have been heard or seen as a child, and for each, it's followed by how that may continue to manifest in your experience.
• You weren't allowed to express your emotions; you are afraid of emotional intimacy, expressing your emotions and sharing your feelings.
• You had your emotions or needs repeatedly dismissed; in conflict, you make yourself wrong by default.
• You were ridiculed for your experiences; you have denied your psychic gifts or multi-dimensional self.
• Your parents didn't listen to you when you spoke; people still don't seem to hear you.
• You were not appreciated for your perspective; you don't speak up and contribute your viewpoint, or you dilute your presence by living the archetype of the fool or crazy one.
• You were told what to do or things were done for you; you do not see your own capability and how to support yourself.
• You were not unacknowledged for your unique gifts; you do not share your gifts or feel you can't be authentically yourself.
• Your accomplishments were not celebrated; you do not pause to celebrate what you've accomplished before you set your next goal, or you minimize what you've accomplished and any praise you receive.
• You were not encouraged to nurture your interests and talents; you do not have the energy or make the time and space to enjoy them, or you tell yourself they are not worth cultivating.
• You were always questioned or mistrusted in your desires or choices; you seem to seek approval from others before you accept what you know to be true for you.
• You were programmed into stereotypical gender roles; you do not own your feminine energy or operate you from imbalanced feminine and masculine energies.
If you have not yet identified how you were not seen or heard, please take a moment now to ask yourself about that. Let it be made conscious, as otherwise it will continue to be a source of unhappiness and inner conflict.

The Child's Pain

Every one of us came into this incarnation as a wonder of creation – an innocent child full of promise. And we relied on someone to warm us, feed us, and keep us safe. No less vital to our nourishment was our need to be acknowledged for our uniqueness. To feel cherished and valued we wanted our Mom and Dad, or our caregivers, to listen when we spoke, to see what we could do, and to respect our preferences. And when we felt insecure, we wanted them to notice that we felt scared. In fact, we needed them to acknowledge all of our emotions because these were the most fundamental and earliest means of expressing who we were!!

Since people come to me to help them heal their pain, my work may skew my perception, but I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have heard somebody say that they felt unconditionally accepted. Even when they tell me that they knew they were loved, they realize that they didn't feel acknowledged. This creates feelings of aloneness, being misunderstood, rejected and abandoned.

This is such a prevalent issue that it is not attached to birth order or family dynamic in any particular way. For example, an only child may feel she was never heard because she served as mom's confidante and her own needs were not heard. The second born may have always been compared to his sibling so he was never accepted for his own talents or difficulties. The middle child may feel he was never recognized because he was neither seen as the most reliable nor the one with the greatest needs - he got lost. The youngest child may feel she was not seen because everyone else had already "been there done that' and she was dismissed. An abused child certainly wouldn’t have been cherished for his/her presence, and the gifted child may have only been acknowledged for her/his intellect.

In all cases, Mom and Dad did the best they could for us, in alignment with their consciousness at the time. For some of us, sadly, this did not just mean that childhood was less than ideal, it meant being treated as invisible. The experience of not being seen and heard varies widely, but no matter how seemingly inconsequential or dire a child's circumstances, it's the child's perception of those experiences that creates the trauma. If it was perceived as shaming, it was shaming, no matter how minor or innocent an incident was to Mom or Dad. If a child feels dismissed for what they feel, say or do, a child feels devalued. If this message of unworthiness or conditional acceptance is repeated often enough, a child learns that this is who they are. Self-hatred, self-abandonment and self-rejection is given centre stage in his/her self-perception.

Perpetuating Wounds

Not being seen or heard is a tremendous set-up for continuing to seek external approval and validation, perfectionism, pleasing others, trying to belong, sexual seduction and superficial relationships, substance abuse/addiction, tyrannical behaviour, rebellion of authority, and all sorts of wounded ego coping strategies and sub-personalities.

It's also easy to see why effective communication can pose to be such a challenge in relationships. If we are still carrying this wound, a simple mis-understanding can quickly lead to hurt, defensiveness, and unravel any harmony into conflict. Emotional vulnerability and intimacy is frightening if we cannot trust that we will be heard and seen when we share our emotions, needs and desires. Of course we would want to protect our most precious heart.

The Core

A child learns who they are through the wounds of Mom and Dad, passed subconsciously from one generation to another. But this is not just childhood pain. It is a planetary wound rooted in the split between the masculine and feminine energies that has pervaded this planet, our bodies, minds, emotions, and our Soul-Spirit. It's known as gender splitting and it touches every aspect of our living on Earth and our experiences. It is at the core of all archontic deception strategies, which can lead to soul disconnection and fragmentation.

In this context, we can simply say that when the masculine body (active) is not connected, balanced and integrated with the feminine body (receptive), one is not being acknowledged by the other. This is why we have individuals mired in the distraction of doing, and denying the heart, or being too passive, instead of openly flowing with love, and acting upon their inspired, intuitive wisdom.

If a child is not seen, his/her feminine principle learns to disappear.

If a child is not heard, his/her feminine principle learns inner confusion.

If a child is not seen, his/her masculine principle learns to dominate.

If a child is not heard, his/her masculine principle learns to avoid.

This is the separation of the Divine Mother from the Divine Father. Ultimately, we do not truly see and hear our Divinity within and we remain split.

When there is unity of the gender principles we have balanced, inner sacred, marriage- Avatar of Ascension Hieros Gamos. We can then know ourselves as the Holy Christ-Sophia, the Divine child that is sacred light, and sacred sound, and an expression of infinite love. There is no need to fight to be seen and heard. We can let go. All we need to see and hear is from within. Our God-Self is our witness. the rest of the article at

Author's Bio: 

Amâeil (Melinda Urban RIHR) discovered her innate gift of discerning consciousness patterns through her own challenging spiritual awakening, and counseling individuals since 2000 as an intuitive energy psychotherapist and 12-dimensional holographic healing facilitator. She's a master at unravelling any confusion in your concerns, even the really stubborn patterns that have stopped you from living with authentic power and loving yourself, perhaps across multiple lifetimes. She gets right to the core of your issue with gentle, compassionate higher guidance. When she's not helping individuals, couples, children or animals, she continues to dedicate herself to humanity's liberation through the sacred, balanced embodiment of the Divine feminine and masculine within. Her website offers over 100 educational and inspiring articles, free tools, and healing chants, so that we can all wake up one day to be in awe of the peace everywhere!