The Potential Of Conflict

Using Conflict to Strengthen Your Relationships

Many of us have it in our heads that conflict with members of the opposite sex is a bad thing.
After all, we women are supposed to be demure, accommodating, and agreeable in order to be attractive, desirable, and appealing to men.

True?
False.
Now let me tell you why.

1.Demure, accommodating and agreeable is BORING!!
That's right.
It's predictable, stable, and utterly tedious.

2.Conflict, within parameters, is EXCITING!!
That's right, as long as the conflict does not escalate to where you need anger management training, it is fun, unpredictable, and simply scintillating.

3.Conflict enables mutual understanding.
A spicy sprinkling of conflict allows you to see another side of him, and him or you.
It is a bonding thing – when you learn to handle conflict as a couple, you take a big step forward in developing a relationship with potential.

4.The ability to engage in mature conflict shows you have a self assuredness as well as a mind of your own: an opinion that you're not afraid to share, and that is a sexy thing indeed.

5.Conflict encourages you to be your best. When you engage in a discussion where your stance is opposed to your partner, you want to make sure you know what you're talking about.
Therefore, a little conflict in this manner challenges you to use your brain as well as make sure you have the correct information.

Now, before you run off looking to find a conversation where you can engage in conflict, let's look at those conflict parameters I mentioned in step 2.
One of the hard things about conflict is keeping it civil, especially where other agendas intervene.
But for those early relationships, before too much baggage intervenes, here are some guidelines for keeping conflict on a level field.

1.Pause before you talk.
Promise me – you won't open your mouth to respond to your partner's points without pausing until the count of 10.

2.Plan your replies.
This is an extension of number 1.
I do not want you to react and shoot off at the mouth.
Always plan your words carefully.

3.Keep your voice calm and low.
In other words – don't yell!
And talk slow, don't allow the emotion of conflict to overcome the logic of a well-thought-out argument.

4.Laugh.
This is important and keeps things from getting too serious.
However, when to laugh becomes an art because whatever you do, don't insult your conflict partner or things will go down hill fast.

5.Know when it's time to quit.
Your fabulous intuition will guide you here.
The idea is that when you see he is getting excited, or things start going in circles, it's time to stop and either agree to disagree or table discussion for another time.

We have, dare I say, established that conflict is a good thing, provided you manage it as an interesting and enriching part of relationship.