The Price of Perfectionism

I used to think my perfectionism was a good thing. I’ve always been meticulous, and like to get things “just right”. That quality played a large part in my career growth. New York is a competitive place and I served a demanding clientele. I was recognized and rewarded for my efforts. What was the problem with that?

One clue should have been the amount of time it took to get things done. Often I told myself (truthfully) that I enjoyed the process, and I was proud of the results. In retrospect, I confused a lot of busy work with accomplishment, and wasted a lot of time that could have been spent nurturing relationships, building a business or getting a life.

Now, as a business owner and coach, I’ve come to see with how pernicious this “quality” can be. When I see it in myself and my clients (which is often), it’s clear that it’s really an excuse to delay leaving our comfort zone and taking risks. The busy-ness, the waiting until it’s all good enough, looks like the smoke screen it is. What’s it hiding? And who, exactly, does all of this have to be good enough for?

"Perfectionism: the setting of unrealistically demanding goals, accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness."

That’s a harsh definition, but it rings pretty true. When we cling to perfectionism, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Falling short of our perfect standard puts a damper on the results, no matter what other people say. When we use it as a form of procrastination, perfectionism delays our success. There’s really not much of an upside to it.

I’m not suggesting that you don’t try to do your best. I’m suggesting you prioritize how you spend your time and energy. I heard a senior woman executive say one of the main obstacles women face in getting leadership roles is that they tend to give everything equal importance. This creates unnecessary work and limits resources. The same executive observed that in business, men often focus on the things that will reap the most benefits, and delegate or disregard the rest.

If you recognize yourself as a perfectionist, think about what it may be costing you. Is waiting to be “ready” keeping you stuck in place? Your competitors are out there doing business even without the perfect credentials, marketing materials, presentation skills, elevator pitches… How many opportunities are passing you by because you’re not quite ready to show up?

If this strikes a nerve, here are a few suggestions:

1. Identify the one or two key activities that will give the biggest payoff right now.
2. A goal has to have a deadline, so decide now when you’re going to have them done.
3. Focus on the crucial aspects of those priorities, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Weigh the reward you’ll get for your efforts. Reaching your standards may not be as rewarding as getting it done.
4. If you delegate, communicate clear expectations and trust them to do the job. Don’t set unrealistically demanding goals for others, too.
5. If necessary, get an accountability partner to keep you on track.

Honoring your deadline is honoring yourself. Getting things done will build your confidence and help release you from the trap of perfectionism. You’ll realize that few people, if any, notice the fine details that you do. It’s almost certain that no one is judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself. Trust your abilities now, and your ability to learn and refine as you go along. It’s all a work in progress.