It’s that time of year again when people make New Year’s resolutions and swear up and down that they will both follow and succeed at them. That’s why gym membership skyrockets every January, diet plan sales soar, and so on. Everyone has the best intentions, and tell their friends and families what they will ‘guarantee’ accomplish come January.
But, as history has shown, gym membership tapers off, people on diets gain more weight than before, and the majority of New Year’s resolutions go by the wayside or are left ‘until the next New Year’s”.

And then there are the repercussions.

There is a temptation in society to say people who can’t fulfill their resolutions are weak or not committed to their goals, but the reality is far deeper and very different than it appears.

Why New Year’s resolutions fail

What few people realize is what is really happening when it comes to New Year’s resolutions. A funny way to look at them is to look at the way people approach love in their lives. You can say you WANT to love somebody, that you think you are in love, or that you will force someone to love you. But, as history and a million poets have proven, love is not something you can intellectually control. Love happens when it happens, and the best relationships occur when both partners are in love, truly in love, at the core level.

Okay, so what does that mean?

Just like you can’t see someone for the first time and say, “I am in love with you because I tell myself I am love with you” you can’t say that you’re going to pursue a New Year’s resolution just by thinking you can accomplish it.

Like love, your intention has to match your core, what you are about at what’s called the flow level. Put simply, your true self. You are born in ideal flow, meaning you always know what makes you successful on all levels. Over time, thanks to friends, family, and society, flow blockages appear. These happen overtly (a friend telling you you’re a failure) or innocently (you read a fashion magazine saying blonde hair is what guys go for and you are a brunette.) Flow blockages often force you to approach ‘core’ things from an intellectual standpoint — you think you can solve the issue by thinking about it.

Thus when it comes to New Year’s resolutions you (if you’re like most people) ignore your core self, your flow, and simply work from your head.

For example, you tell yourself you are fat and that you are going to lose the weight by XX day. Your next step? You simply go on the latest diet craze because, after all, so many people like you have lost weight on it not to mention celebrities you admire. Your intellect overrides your core self.

And that’s where the trouble starts.

So how do you make and achieve your New Year’s resolutions? What’s the secret then?

Any and all resolutions you make must be 100% in line with your flow.

Diets fail because they never take into account how people ACTUALLY eat food and use food in their daily life. If you go out a lot with family or coworkers, radically stopping that will make you resentful of the diet. If you hate watching other people stare at you working out a gym is not the best place to get healthy. And so on.

It’s what’s called in marketing the bullet theory, you fire a bullet and you hit a target all the time. But bullet theories never work, ever. Programs MUST take into account each person’s individuals beliefs, ways of living, etc.

You need to examine what you’re about first, and then move on from there. This is NOT an intellectual exercise, but one in which you truly need to understand your core self. Take weight again. Why are you fat (or think you are)? Are you depressed? Are you so overworked you can’t exercise? Those issues need to be addressed first before attempting any type of diet, if at all. After all, food is never the reason you are fat or think you are fat.

You CAN achieve all your goals for the new year since such goals are about success. But knowing what your success is about is crucial to make those goals turn into reality. Or to put it another way, any and all resolutions you make should be like breathing, effortless to accomplish. You can lose weight, join a gym, find that new job or similar if your flow is 100% on board!

Author's Bio: 

In 2003 David Leigh Weber decided to found what would ultimately become Learn About Flow, an organization dedicated to empowering people to find their true selves, what makes them their most successful on every level. Since that time Learn About Flow has helped hundreds find the contentment and life purpose they had always dreamed of.

Today David is an author (My Life Has No Purpose!), sought after speaker, and evangelist for true mind-body-spirit wellness. He has a B.A. in English & History from the University of Rochester and an M.A. in Communications from the Newhouse School (Syracuse University). Originally from New England, David now lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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