The Real Meaning of Hospitality

A tavola, non si invecchia. "At the table, you don't grow old," declared my first year Italian instructor.

Perhaps that was true in Italy - but not at my house, which was kind of frustrating, being that I’m Italian. I loved cooking and entertaining but often wound up missing the party because of the over ambitious menus I planned. By the time I finally got the food on the table, I felt older than the aged cheese on the antipasto tray.

My intentions were good; I pictured myself at the table deep in conversation with my guests, or gathered around the stove, laughing and enjoying their company, but it’s kind of hard to connect with people when you’re desperately trying to spin threads of caramel on a humid summer day, or attempting to make cantaloupe mousse in January when the melons are hard as a rock. Yes, I did that. I was a harried hostess because I totally misunderstood the meaning of hospitality. Then I met Shelby.

THE KEY TO HOSPITALITY

When I first met her I was a mess, depressed and depleted from a seemingly endless season of family struggles, illness, job loss and the resulting financial stress. Shelby heard about it and invited me to her lakeside home for what she called a “little retreat.” When I pulled into her driveway, I saw a small-scale Airstream trailer parked near the entrance. Shelby greeted me, handed me the key to the trailer and told me to stay as long as I liked. I could have stayed forever.

Shelby had papered the ceiling and walls with maps, murals and posters of exotic vacation spots; reading materials were stacked next to a comfy built-in bed, soothing music played in the background and there was a note encouraging me to walk down to the lake or take a nap if I wanted. A few glorious hours later, she knocked on the door carrying a tray with tea and coffee and cookies. By the time I went home, I felt like a new woman. I will never forget her or that afternoon.

In the book Radical Hospitality, it says, "Hospitality is the overflowing of a heart that has to share what it has received." Someone I didn’t know had seen a need and realized they had the means to address it.

Shelby instinctively understood the true meaning of hospitality, even though her giftedness in decorating, cooking and gracious entertaining could easily have misdirected her into merely throwing parties for her friends. Instead she used her gift to create a place of respite for the weary and hurting.

HOSPITALITY DEFINED

Here's a quote from Ambrose Bierce, American satirist and author of The Devil's Dictionary:

"Hospitality – the virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging." You can understand why Bierce was considered a satirist, but all in all, his definition is merely an inverse of the original Biblical meaning.

Webster's 1828 Dictionary tells us that the word for hospitality is from the Greek word philoxenos. Take that word apart and you have philo, meaning brotherly love. Here's where it gets interesting - Xenos means stranger. Have you ever heard of xenophobia - fear of strangers? Good word to describe how many of us feel today, isn't it?

Do you remember the scene in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when the father can't handle the fact that his daughter wants to marry someone outside the Greek heritage? "Xeno!" he cries. She is marrying a stranger.

So philoxenos, hospitality, means loving strangers. It's more than setting a nice table, or creating an inviting ambience in a room. It's about conveying a sense of acceptance towards those who are not like us.

THE LAST COURSE:

What gifts or talents have you been given that you could share with others? Freely giving them away ensures that your own Divine Supply will never run out.

The next time you invite people over, consider including someone you just met, or ask a guest to bring a friend. Afterwards, reflect on what new things you've learned from that interaction.