It may be that we spend our entire lives searching for the secret to femininity in various magazines, articles, or in girlfriends and celebrities, without even thinking to look inside our own selves a little bit. Yet, in doing so, we would in fact discover significant wonders. The secret to femininity is actually not separate from us, it is not mysterious or at all unattainable, no matter how much it seems to be. Then how does this really work?

As women, we may think that if we cook, clean, and care for the children, we embody the definition of femininity. If that is what we think, then we are wrong, because this is not everything. We can realize that through these actions, we are taking on the role of servant, at most, only to out-navigate even the slightest idea of respect. But then, wherein lies the secret to femininity?

The knowledge lies deep in each and every woman; it is merely due to modern societal expectations that we lose sight of our true feminine qualities. We have forgotten our original feminine roles, lost sight of the true woman present in us all, and as a result, are unable to recognize our flaws either.

The trinity of the male essence is as follows: strength, possession, and production. These are the factors responsible for men's desire to win, to maintain the sense of security, and to provide. None of these qualities alone are of importance, unless the man is motivated. The proper motivation is none other than the trinity of femininity, the parallel to the basic male pillars, wherein lies the secret to femininity for which we search. 

The parallel to strength is emotion - gentleness, beauty, and temptation. The parallel to possession is care - family, healing, and attentiveness. The parallel to production is receptiveness - intuition, wisdom, and creativity. These three qualities complete the secret to femininity that is present in us; only we have buried it very deeply within. They lay dormant, as restful as Sleeping Beauty, because the societal demands of women have drastically changed. Since our original roles and true abilities are dormant, our point of view, and our initial, believed-to-be-correct perspective has changed. It is not the secret to femininity that we have lost, but our approach to it. But if we recognize this to be true, why do we continue struggling with it?

Just like in The Matrix, we, too, at times run on a faulty program. If we followed our instincts, we would feel that a woman is beautiful, graceful, kind, giving, attentive, and tempting. To some degree, we do our best to fulfill these qualities, since that is what the media conditions us to do. And yet, even so, we still interpret our intuitions falsely, without assuming our primary attributes. Why?

Because unfortunately, we believe that this is all a part of the game. Based on what we have been taught throughout our upbringing and the family precedents we have witnessed, we may feel we are forbidden from adopting the primary instincts that are hiding within us. Not to mention, there are certain dogmatic beliefs, which adamantly isolate women from opportunities to tap into these instincts. It is also possible that our own pride may dictate that everyone needs to accept us the way we are, and we shouldn't have to succumb to who we don't want to become. Do we really not want to, or are we lying to ourselves, and looking for excuses? 

Why is it important to awaken our primary qualities and roles?

Because, that is what we must do in order to be happy and achieve a balanced, harmonious relationship in which we receive respect, and in order to secure the type of man we have always desired. This is all up to us, as we are the only ones that have the ability to reach our goals.

In today's fast-paced world, men no longer have the opportunity to tap into their authentic masculinity, although they would have a need for it. Consequently, men attempt to awaken these qualities in themselves in ways that may even cause us pain. The reason for this is that as women, we take on roles of masculinity as well. We carry out false battles of power in order to conform to the standards of society, and as a result, the accumulation of money has become the sole focus of both sexes. We live in illusion, and we have lost sight of what is authentic – what is true. In order to be women again, we must reinstate the tasks we have taken over from the man, and we must take note of the things we supersede in everyday life. We must notice when we are faced with a problem that would be the man's responsibility, something he would solve with pleasure for us, in order to prove his masculinity. Due to the conditioned behaviors we have picked up, men are not able to distinguish which tasks are theirs, but, by signaling to them using female communication techniques, they will realize, and be happy to complete them for us. If we are able to properly give voice to our needs and emotions, then he will fulfill our requests. Let us put our pride aside, and, with feminine poise, resign the task to him. Allow him space so he may execute the assignment using his own logic and mental process.
What do we do in order to awaken the secret to femininity?

Let us discard the masculine qualities we have cast for ourselves, and return to our primary feminine roles. Replace responding with battles and arguments with female communication techniques. Deriving from our caring nature, selflessly attend to the man, and create a relaxed and peaceful environment. Raise children, tend to chores, manage the man by making use of your emotions, and simultaneously, maintain self-composure. We are multi-layered creatures, and this is why we have the ability to entice, while knowing when we need to be understanding, and realizing when our wisdom is what is needed.

A woman is love and life itself, and we are the ones capable of giving life as well. Our strength derives from our spirit, sensitivity, emotions, and grace. Our virtues as women - mysteriousness, understanding, receptiveness, acceptance, and patience - are what draw men closest to us. Be permissive in order to grant each other free will. Notice, esteem, and praise the man’s abilities. Follow him wherever he wants because you trust him unconditionally. Find happiness within yourself, independent of the man. Do not place an expectation on him to make you happy. Ensure that the man feels himself to be of worthy position, so he feels his masculinity to the fullest, because this is what will motivate him to protect, recognize, and admire you. Fully experience and give voice to your gracefulness and richness in emotion. Be able to communicate your feelings calmly, while studying each other’s boundaries. Respect the man for who he is. My book, titled 99%, as well as the “Taming a Man” online course, dives into the application of these qualities and techniques in everyday practice.  

We must remain understanding and patient, and awaken our inner Wise Woman, Queen, and Romantic. Through opening up to our feminine gentleness, we may achieve our goals. 

With Love: Valeria

99percent.valeriatari.com

Author's Bio: 

I have been living a conscious life for fifteen years. I’ve learned several methods of self-awareness. I began to work on myself and confront myself, and that is when I came to see the ingrained patterns that defined and motivated me. The patterns I had learned did not allow me to be my true self, and they prevented me from achieving the happiness I desired. When I grew closer to my true nature – alongside further self-development – I started to hold therapy sessions, and eventually, I taught as well. Thousands of realizations, thousands of revelations – honestly, we are talking about numbers that big – after plenty of pain, loads of bitterness, and countless “A-HA” moments, I am finally my true self. I can do what I must do and be who I must be. I am a happy woman living in balance, harmony, and a joyous relationship. I have reached my goal. I arrived.