The Stories We Tell Ourselves

The most important story you will ever tell about yourself is the story you tell to yourself. ~Jim Loeh, The Power of Story

Whether you realize it or not, you are a master storyteller. You tell stories that explain where you’ve been and where you’re going, who you are and who you are becoming … you have stories about your day at work, about you as a father or mother, about the jerk who cut you off in traffic, how you lost your keys or found a $20 bill.

The details of our stories and how we spin them largely determine how we see our lives, and as a result influence our experience of living. Whether it’s a painful family drama, a tragedy or a comedic farce – the choice is all in how we frame our story.

Our stories have a way of taking on a life of their own.

As adults we become skilled at revisiting old story patterns …“I’ve always been a…Everyone in our family is…I’ve never been really good at…My whole entire life…” As comforting and familiar, perhaps even funny as it may be, it can also become severely limiting. Not only do the stories we tell ourselves have the power to influence us, told often enough they also have a way of becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.

Regardless of how accurate the stories we tell ourselves may be we believe them and then act them out (for better or worse in some cases).

We have to have a version of our own story that we keep telling ourselves that allows us to get up in the morning. This version of yourself is what you sell to yourself. I think it necessarily includes...not looking at certain things. Everybody’s got some blind spot.
~Steven Soderbergh, Academy Award Winning Film Director

The first step to change a story that isn’t working for you is to identify it.

Is there an important area in your life isn’t working? It doesn’t need to be a big or especially difficult problem; just something you’d like to improve even in a small way will give you the opportunity to practice and experience how to change a story.

Here’s a hint: The old story is the stuff you tell you tell yourself that isn’t necessarily true but has a negative effect on what your life looks and feels like. For example, “I’m not pretty, or funny enough,” or “I will never have enough money,” or “nobody likes me.”

This dysfunctional story is usually something that is repeated endlessly to anyone who is willing to listen. Now, realize that this is all made up! None of it is true, unless you make it true. You create your own reality. You are in charge of your story, so why not tell a story that makes you feel good instead of one that makes you feel bad?

Amazingly, self-edited stories do have the power to persuade us to think differently about our lives. In fact people have been known to rewrite entire personal histories, turning a nearly idyllic childhood into a wasteland of injustice and pain, or choosing to ignore former hardship and retain only those stories that inspire and uplift them.

We are all creators. We are creating our lives in every moment. Why not choose to tell stories that serve you instead of hinder you. Tell stories that create a future that you can smile and be happy about. Live in a way that creates peace, joy and abundance. You are after all in charge of your story, and the story is your life.