The Two Faces in the Mirror

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have two faces. Their public face and their private face; the one only the people living with them behind closed doors see. In public, the person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may either ignore you, giving their attention to others (as if you don’t exist), or else be so charming and doting on you, pretending to be the perfect wife or husband, that your friends will wonder how anyone can be so lucky to have such a great guy or gal! In private, however, they perpetrate emotional abuse or verbal abuse. They will be condescending, act superior and as if they are more popular than you. Narcissists often act cold, arrogant, withdrawn toward the people closest to them (the private face!). They are usually unavailable or sarcastic, haughty and insulting, showing little or no regard for your feelings or well-being (unless they want something) and putting people, including their friends, down behind their backs. This lack of concern for your well-being (no empathy) may cause you to feel rejected, hurt, humiliated, powerless, ashamed and angry and may lead you to psychological and psychosomatic health problems, and addictions in your family. Despite the heartache and damage a person with these symptoms may cause, if confronted about their behaviour, the narcissist will remain indignant and above being questioned about their behaviour. That’s because a big factor in Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an inability to be accountable to one’s self or others. This person may be charming (and even humble) in public, so people won’t believe you when you tell them how verbally abusive they are in private, or about the cruel things they say behind people’s backs. I know personally the anguish of living with an abusive husband but I discovered a way to treat Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Kim Cooper is the author of “Back from the Looking Glass” and “The Love Safety Net Workbook,” e-books about healing an abusive relationship. She and her husband Steve co-host The Love Safety Net talk radio show and website at www.thelovesafetynet.com.