Lie Lovers - The Real Reason Why the Truth Hurts!
By Aleasa M. Word

How many times do we hear people touting the phrase “the truth hurts?” We know it does, but it continues to pain us and we can’t seem to find a way to fix that. I often wonder if there was a magic pill people could take so we would tell the truth all of the time to everyone how life would be. Instantly, a picture of people cried out as others tell them they’re fat, they smell bad, they’re cheating, they’re not really the father, they stole all of your money etc. starts dancing through my head and makes me change my mind.

The question is how does it all start? Most say it begins in childhood. Just as brutally honest as they can be, a child can lie instantly when faced with certain consequences. They lie to avoid getting into trouble and disappointing their parents. Do we set the tone for adulthood through our childhood tales? Some adults lie so much about insignificant things they don’t even realize they’re doing it. We lie to seem more important. We lie to appear more put together. We lie to our family member and significant other to spare their feelings yet get upset when they do the same to us. The lies eventually come out and someone is devastated. They wish the person cared about them enough to tell the truth. They claim they are strong enough and could have handled it. Is that really the case? Can we handle hearing the truth about things that are dear to us or do we just THINK we can? Could you really handle if your mate told you the real truth about why they’re not as intimate as they once were? How about the REAL reason you can’t get that promotion or raise at work? If a really good friend turned their back on you are you prepared to hear what they really have to say about you as a person? What if you’re overbearing, demanding, controlling, complaining or a host of other things? Would your response be “oh, ok thank for telling me people don’t like being around me because I depress them?”

We do all these things because we think we are sparing people pain and in fact we really aren’t. The lie way of life is so important to follow many do it to even avoid lawsuits because if they’re not politically correct they get hit with a liable suit. The truth is, if you deny the truth to others you are simply just lying to yourself! So who ends up hurting when it comes out? They hurt because you’ve violated their trust. You end up hurt because now they no longer trust you. If you really care about the person you lied to, you feel even worse because you know that you were the one who ultimately caused them pain. That’s a tough spot to be in and often leads to depression, self-loathing and acting out to balance the blame game.

The answer to this whole problem is YOU! Yes YOU (and me too)! If children could tell their parents the truth no matter what and receive no judgment, no disappointment would they do it as much? If we felt we wouldn’t disappoint our children would we still do it? This sets the tone for the rest of our lives. We see our parents lie to each other, teachers, family members, co-workers and pretty much everyone else. Now, in their defense they’re only small lies right? The issue is that they are lies nonetheless. It begins to form our thought process that small lies are ok because you’re trying to be a “do gooder.” As my mother always said “a lie is a lie no matter what the size.”

This trail of lies comes to life and then has a mind of its own. It has the nerve to turn on us! We start lying to ourselves over and over again. How about “Oh, that outfit looks nice” – even though we know it really doesn’t and the truth is we just can’t afford new clothing or we just like that outfit. Or maybe “ he’s just messed up and avoids getting to close because of stuff from his past” – and we can see the signs this man is married or has a significant other but we make excuses because we have feelings for him or are afraid of another failed relationship. Perhaps it goes like this “she just gets overly emotional and snaps because she loves me so much and doesn’t want to lose me” – hello, this screams of domestic violence against a male but no man wants to admit he’s being abused.

The truth hurts because we continuously lie to our own selves. We are not prepared for the truth. We do not create a climate of truth for us and that’s why when it comes out we are devastated. We are used to being lied to. If you can’t trust yourself to tell the truth, how can you trust others and why wouldn’t that hurt? Being honest with you and surrounding yourself with a circle of people who are honest in a loving, empowering way is the only way to combat the lie zone.

Since there is no magic pill, there will always be bended truths, little white lies and omissions of information but we should strive to learn how to handle it better. If we can begin telling ourselves the truth and accepting US for WHO & WHAT we are without judgment, it’ll go a long way. Maybe then and only then the truth will be something we have an easier time digesting with so we can move on with our lives in a more healthy way.

All Content herein is property of Aleasa M Word, Allergy Words Consulting, LLC Any use of material must credit original author.

Author's Bio: 

Aleasa M. Word is the owner of Allergy Words Consulting, LLC and founder of the Food Allergic & Asthmatic Multicultural Society of Delaware. She writes the daily blog The Wordallogic to challenge our thoughts on the why and how we do what we do.

She is a public speaker specializing in motivation, empowerment, self growth and introspection. She is active in many charities and outreach groups across the US.

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