Backup Plans for Love- Protecting Yourself from the Elements!
By Aleasa M. Word (pub March 12, 2012)

Many people don’t want to enter into relationships because they’ve been hurt very deeply. They complain about the hurt that comes, in their minds, naturally with relationships. They talk about the games people play and how you can’t trust anyone. They say they are just fine by themselves, yet you can hear the loneliness oozing from their mouths as these words make their way out.

Is true love really dead? Is the idea of commitment so farfetched that we simply need to rethink it? Can we ever fully recover from broken relationships when we love someone intensely? How do we get past the pain that ends up causing us fear? How do we move past the fear itself and begin living and loving again? Is it even possible to do so?

How do people become so broken after a relationship ends? Are they broken before it starts and just hobble along into what they think is a whole relationship? Is their self-esteem so damaged by the effects of the relationships of the past that it rocks their proverbial boat to its core? Or is it their self –esteem was already on shaky ground before they got into the relationship and now they are forced to face themselves?

Whatever the case, there is cause for a love back up plan. The plan begins before you even enter into a relationship. I’m not talking about the kind of plan where you go into it automatically thinking if it doesn’t work out, you’ll just walk away. To think that from the onset can cause you to be in one of those self-fulfilling prophecy type of situations. But, what I am talking about is the plan to back up your own heart’s ability to heal and love whether or not you are in a relationship.

We must learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly in order for it to work. Yes, I’m talking about loving the good, bad and ugly in you! A full embracement of the real you is needed to strengthen your core. Even in the best of relationships, without a strong core you won’t do yourself or your mate any good at all. I’ve spoken before on the need to learn how to date yourself. Learning how to enjoy your own company is extremely important. Building at least a small circle of good, solid, healthy friendships you can rely on no matter whether you’re with someone or not matters too. These friendships become part of your foundation that is rooted deeply.

Also, there is an overwhelming need to learn how to resist self-defeatist conversations with yourself. When things don’t go right, there is one conversation that happens when we were still in love with the person and an entirely different one that happens when we aren’t. If our feelings are still deep for the person we tend to try and find the ways WE failed the relationship. Sometimes we must realize it’s just an incompatibility issue. Other times the person was clearly not in a good place and for lack of a better term just a jerk at that time in life. An finally, we do have to uncover our part towards the demise of the relationship. But in realizing our own contribution, we need to be careful not to beat up on ourselves. We are human and make mistakes. We do the best we can do at the time we are in a situation and that’s the long and short of it. NO ifs, ands or buts are needed. By over analyzing the situation we once again end up in that cycle of blaming ourselves unnecessarily.

So what is this back up plan? The plan is to build a solid you before the relationship. To do so creates a win win situation. If the relationship works out you are contributing to it in a healthy way which can be a catalyst towards its success. If the relationship doesn’t work out, no matter how much it hurts you will realize the feelings of pain are temporary and YOU WILL survive. It is when we don’t have this back up plan mindset that we have a hard time functioning, end up depressed or sometimes even do harm to our own bodies. Breakups aren’t usually easy for either the dumper or the dumpee. But, realizing that it will pass and knowing you have to go through the process of healing truly helps. Each day you can say to yourself “I can do this, it hurts but I can do this” or “I’ve been here before I made it, it hurts but I can and will make it.”

Preparation for anything in life when it comes to matters of the heart can save you a lifetime of grief. Some people have spoken of others who died from a broken heart. If you analyze that, in some ways it could be true. People can allow themselves to become so downtrodden about a breakup that they become depressed. They feel there is something wrong with them and now because this ONE person doesn’t want them no one will. In theory it sounds silly; yet when we are going through it , it seems real.

Remembering to take care of you and loving you first before you can love or take care of another is the backup plan in the event you do fall in love and it works or alternatively doesn’t work!

*Commentary is not intended to replace professional legal or medical advice and are merely opinions. All articles are under protected property and personal opinions only. Any attempt to reprint, duplicate or use text used herein without expressed written permission is a violation of the law. All violators will be subject to legal action and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Author's Bio: 

Aleasa M. Word is the owner of Allergy Words Consulting, LLC and founder of the Food Allergic & Asthmatic Multicultural Society of Delaware. She writes the daily blog The Wordallogic to challenge our thoughts on the why and how we do what we do.

She is a public speaker specializing in motivation, empowerment, self growth and introspection. She is active in many charities and outreach groups across the US.

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