The wrong reasons to start a relationship

Relationships and marriage are admirable goals for anyone seeking them. However, there are many reasons why people may decide to engage in relationships which may surprise you. Perhaps you have started relationships for one or more of the reasons I will cite here. If so, don’t worry about it, but take the lessons learned and if the opportunity affords itself again, make sure you have the right reasons for embarking on a relationship. So here we go...

1) They want a replacement figure for their mother/father. As surprising as this sounds, there is a lot of truth to this. Many men, particularly have been guilty of this crime. There are men who have never lived alone for any period of time since they left their mothers home. Every woman that they have had since leaving home has somehow been a reflection of their mother. These men will choose women who can “mother them”

2) They allow their age to influence their decision. Society has conditioned us to believe that once we are over 30, we are “past it” in other words, we have passed our expiry date and this causes panic and anxiety to set in. Coupled with comments from friends and family about “not getting any younger” and you have the perfect ingredients for a wrong decision.

3) They are bored and want something to do to pass the time. Oh dear! This is probably the most dangerous reason why you would want to be in a relationship. There are so many things to do in life to make it more interesting and you decide to choose a relationship in order to pass the time. Relationships are about the giving of yourself and the other person giving to you. It is not a hobby to relieve boredom. The same attitude that got you in there will be the same attitude that kicked you out of there too!

4) They are scared of being “left on the shelf.” This fear is a societal conditioning which suggests that you should have been married with children by the age of 30. Often it is women who feel this burden as they move towards their 40s and beyond. With no relationship in sight, they postulate that they will end up being a lonely spinster. This thinking affects their selection process causing a sense of desperation to kick in. Invariably this leads to choosing the wrong man.
5) They allow others to influence their decisions. This is fairly obvious but is worth mentioning as it is a very powerful force in the lives of many. The approval of family and friends is reflected in the way we take their well meaning advice. In order not to look like the odd one out, we may listen to their suggestions and date someone that we had no intention of dating.

Long lasting and happy relationships start with a solid foundation. The foundation being the reason that you have decided to embark on a relationship. A solid foundation will keep you grounded when the storms break out around your relationship. If your foundation is weak, then what you invested in may fall apart.