Men and women think differently - I don’t think anyone will argue that point with me at all! In my work as a therapist, I see males and females totally disillusioned with the selection of mates of the opposite sex to choose from. I think that the problem is largely due to a misunderstanding of how males and females differ on the biological level, and how that difference affects everything from communication style to thought processes, and perceptions of reality. But what influences that thinking and what “biological reality” differences do males and females really have? And how does the ‘sexual revolution’ affect relationships and marriage?

We all have hardwiring in our brains – ways of thinking and behaving that have been biologically programmed into us over the thousands of years that the human species has been evolving. For example, males have been more inclined to promiscuity than females as their genetic programming, evolving from the caveman era when men died young, is wired to spread the seed of the species by fertilizing as many willing females as possible.

Females were biologically programmed for centuries to be less promiscuous than males, to hold up the morals of society and were instilled with strong values such as marriage, commitment, love and harmony. Since the dissolution of courtship and females’ dismissal of their biological role as preserver of the species, males now expect (and in some cases demand) that females have sex with them on their terms, which, more often than not, require no demonstration of their commitment to or investment in, the female. While this behaviour can be explained partly through male programming, the change in attitudes and values in females has seen sex turn into an act for pleasure and exploration for both males and females alike to the detriment of the courtship process and thereby, commitment, marriage and a safe haven for children with both a mother and a father in the same home. The morality of men has never been the shining beacon of their character, so when females loosened up, men really loosened up! Males do have the capacity to evolve beyond this programming, and make commitments to females and their offspring, but why should they when commitment is no longer a requirement for sexual intercourse?

It is imperative for females today to re-educate themselves on their roles; as independent free thinkers who are the masters of their personal destinies and as the holders of the keys of genetic immortality. Understanding how and why males think the way they do and finding quality males who are willing to challenge the ‘common’ thinking is a learning process that can and must take place if the human species is ever to evolve and sustain itself.

Author's Bio: 

Kongit Farrell, B.S., M.A., is a therapist, strategic life and relationship coach, mental health consultant, writer and business owner. After working in the Communication Office for the Clinton Administration she was appointed Commissioner for the Department of Public Social Services. Here she advised Los Angeles County Supervisors on issues of policy regarding welfare and other social programs that serve marginalized populations. She has published numerous articles on mental health and is a proponent of researching and conducting therapy from a gender-integrated systemic framework for male/female relationships.

For more about biological realities, read her ebook, She’s Worth the Chase, Ten Qualities Gamma Males Adore in the Women They Pursue and Marry.

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