I'm dating this wonderful girl, but we've been going through issues in regards to the "chase" factor. We've already professed love for each other, so it's in a deeper stage than just the chasing phase, but she says of course that she wants to feel like she's still "chasing" me, since she loses interests in guys that are, well, served on a silver platter.

How do you keep her feeling as if she's chasing you, even though you're in a deeper relationship already? Considering she says if I give her too much space she'll stop caring about the relationship, it seems like just being unavailable in general may not work.

Help, please.



Yes, I know exactly how you feel. Frankly, this is a dangerous, ridiculous game! If you get too scarce (and you can't know what she considers "too scarce") she'll lose interest in you. If you get too close she loses interest in you.

I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is if you really want all this drama or not. I wouldn't. I'd just go find a new girl that is smarter than this one and doesn't need the games in order to feel attracted to the guy.

Here's another issue that I'd have told her if she wrote to me: the problem she's had in the past with this dumb game is that the guys that play it aren't interested in the girl at all - they are interested only in the game! When they actually get the girl, they give up on her and move on. She winds up getting hurt only because they want the game - not her.

So, you see what a bad situation this is.

Here's the answer to your question anyway: You have to be somewhat random with this - if it seems in any way planned (like ever week and a half) or organized, she's not only going to see right through it; again, she's going to lose interest in you.

Occasionally, when she calls you and wants to hang out, have other plans. Get a hobby or some buddies that you hang with at least once a week. That's your day and is not available to her. She's going to try to get you to put those aside for her, but you can't do it! If you do, you'll have lost all this work you're doing.

Likewise, plan something - like a date - and flake on her. Don't call her to cancel, simply don't show up. Then, when she calls you, don't pick up your phone. When she leaves a message, give her a day or two before you return the call and then act like nothing's wrong. When she asks you why you're mistreating her, just deny it and change the subject.

Go for at least 2-3 days before you contact her and only then invite her to do something with you or even just stop by for sex and then leave again.

Isn't all that rude? You bet it is! That's what this dumb girl actually thinks makes you more attractive! Like I said in the beginning: are you sure you really want all this drama?

Best regards...
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Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 2 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 30,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

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