It is imperative that we understand our internal reasons for wanting to help another person. Many talk about the building of relationships through the volunteering of time or resources. If it is your intention to help another because of the potentially fruitful relationship that may result you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Allowing self serving agendas to be a driving factor in whether or not you help another person is not true relationship building. It is strategic helping and not true giving. We must give to receive, but the danger of strategic helping is that all helping is not giving. When you give something to another person whether it be time, money, or talents, you should be contributing to joy. The contributions you make should bring joy to the other person(s) and yourself.

All too often people engage in activities that do not bring them pleasure or happiness because we believe it must be done in order to someday experience the joy we desire. We have to “pay our dues” as many would say. Paying your dues to the universe does not mean that you should be unhappy. Moreover, you should not plot or plan to engage in certain activities with others simply to get what you think you need out of them.

There is a clear cut guidance system to distinguishing giving from strategic helping. If it brings you joy to see the other person(s) in joy, you are on the right track. These are the feelings that will ultimately allow you to manifest your dreams. Maintaining your own state of happiness, joy, love and optimism is the most important thing you can do for yourself. However, if you help someone and the resulting feeling prompt you to question when this person is going to help you in return, you have not truly given yourself. In fact, you have effectively distanced yourself from thank which you truly desire. When you are not feeling positive emotions it is an indicator of the distance between you and your pure source energy.

Know yourself and the things that make you feel good. Know who the people are that make you feel good and bring you into alignment with your true self. This is where your giving should be directed. The things you want and desire in life will be sent to you. Do not force the path by over calculating and strategizing your time. The results of your efforts made while in a genuine state of giving will be unparalleled to those that come from strategically helping another.

Author's Bio: 

Lyndsey Shaffer is the co- founder of the Onyx Six - Women of Color Business Network. Onyx Six is a business development network committed to creating a supportive and influential community of minority women entrepreneurs and professionals. Contact Lyndsey Shaffer by visiting