Ever stop to think that there’s actually only one source of unhappiness in the world?

Yeah, me neither. That is, until that time last year when I watched this TED Talk. I forget which, but the idea stuck with me.

I wanna share it with you, because I think it’s quite relevant to the topic of confidence and self-esteem.

See, we can probably all agree that non-fidence is not a happy state of mind. Of course, like I've written about in another article, there’s the paradox that low confidence, (or, as I like to call it, non-fidence) can seem like a safe space for us, because our fear of taking risks haves us believe so.

But, like I said, deep down we’re lying to ourselves. If we’re non-fident, a part of us KNOWS that there’s more to life than what we allow ourselves to partake in. And we KNOW deep down that we’re missing out.

So, is this the one source of unhappiness in the world that I’m talking about?

In a way, yes. What I’m talking about is the principle that lies beneath. And it really is extremely simple once you get your head around it.

Let’s look at some examples.

Why are suppressed people unhappy? Because they want freedom.

Why are starving people unhappy? Because they want food. Duh.

Why might unemployed people be unhappy? Yeah, probably because they want a job.

Why might single people be unhappy? Well, then it’s probably because they want a partner, right?

You’re probably starting to see the pattern here. So let’s just get to the point already.

The one and only source of unhappiness in the world is the discrepancy between how things ARE and how we WANT them to be.

Makes perfectly good sense, right? Why aren't more people talking about this?

Good question. Probably because most of us tend to get too stuck in our own misery to see the bigger perspective. (Indeed, one's own problems tend to eclipse most other problems in the world, no?)

So, just to be clear, why are non-fident people unhappy? Because they want confidence!

Hell, they NEED confidence. Otherwise there wouldn’t really be a problem, no?

Okay, so how do we go about all this? How do we make things be like we want them to be?

Yeah, there’s another good question. ;)

We all want different things. But confidence is something we all want.


Like I said, the only source of unhappiness in the world is the discrepancy between how things ARE, and how we WANT them to be.

Using your awareness of this insight, try to locate the one area of your life where there's the most discrepancy between how things are, and how you'd like them to be. Write this down.

For example, if you have a really hard time getting up in the morning, do a brainstorm on why this might be. Maybe you're not getting enough sleep. Maybe the sleep you're getting isn't sufficient because of distractions or obstructions like sounds, lights, heat, movement, sleep apnea etc..

For each of these distractions or obstructions, write down three possible solutions. In the following week, implement at least one of each solution.

Author's Bio: 

As a confidence coach, Andy Kay helps people who are held back -- by fear, overwhelm, anxiety, indecisiveness, anything. After years studying confident, successful people, he knows what works and what doesn't. He doesn't tolerate "spiritual" BS about "higher powers" and "purposes". -- We have access to all the power we need to achieve our own purposes; period. Visit https://www.getconfidencecoaching.com and get confidence and empowerment for free!