Three Simple Steps to Become More Balanced in Life

Nature abhors a vacuum and I do too. In the spirit of generosity and kindness, as soon as I have some free time, I volunteer to do a deed. As these commitments accumulate, I find myself out of balance. There is little time for me to do what I really want to do and I begin to feel angry and resentful with all that is on my plate. Does this ever happen with you? One of life’s challenges is to learn to differentiate between “What you should do” and “Who you are called to BE”?

ARE YOU A "MARTHA" OR A "MARY"?
There were once two sisters named Martha and Mary. Martha was the doer of the pair, she would make sure the meals were made, the house was cleaned and everything was ready for her guests. When the company would arrive, everything would be perfect, but she would often be uptight and irritable. Mary, on the other hand, had a more serene nature and did not worry about those details. In fact, she hardly noticed food or what the house looked like. Instead, she took time for a walk or to meditate and was radiant, calm and fully present as she sat and enjoyed her guests. Martha wanted to be like Mary but what compelled her to keep busy was the hook “if she didn’t do the tasks, who would do it?” Are you a Martha or a Mary? The invitation in life is to be both; to get things done while still “being” present to the moment. As a recovering “Martha”, this month, I will share some tricks that help me counteract my tendency to constantly be doing in order to bring balance to my life.

RESIGNATION VS. ACCEPTANCE
Pay attention to your feelings before you volunteer or begin a deed. Do you see a need and dive in with sigh because you do not think anyone else will do it? If so, do you end up feeling resentful and angry as well as discouraged and tired? When you are in a state of acceptance, you embrace the task at hand cheerfully, no matter how difficult it is. When you do a task that the Universe invites you to do, you experience a sense of peace, love and joy, even if it is arduous. If instead, your inner voice is screaming “I don’t want to do this but I should do it” or you feel as if you are pushing a square peg into a round hole, you may want to re-evaluate the invitation and decline it.
A word of caution: When there is a crisis you need to be extra vigilant because your boundaries are weaker and there is a tendency to volunteer for even more, precisely when you are least able to do so.

THREE TIPS FOR ACHIEVING BALANCE. Whether you are in a crisis or just living your daily life, step back and assess your life and the responsibilities at hand. Decide whether accepting a job helps you feel at peace or stressed. When I am feeling stressed but have already committed to an endeavor, I have found the following steps helpful.

SIMPLIFY
I try to determine if there is a less elaborate way of achieving the same result. I have a recipe for a signature dessert which is impressive but labor intensive. Recently, we were having guests for dinner and I planned to make it. I had little time and was feeling overwhelmed about getting it prepared. Instead, I made a box of brownies, and served it with ice cream and chocolate sauce. Everyone enjoyed it and I was more relaxed and pleasant.

DELEGATE
People are usually willing to help out if you ask them. The trick is to ask without attitude. When you feel you are imposing on others or it is “your job”, you tend to ask for help abrasively. If you feel acceptable to get help you are able to ask neutrally and people will generally lend a hand. After years of marriage, I have finally learned to do what my husband has been saying, “just ask him” and have discovered that he does it!

REMOVE
Critically examine your “to do” list. Are there activities that can be put off for another day? Can they be permanently taken off of your list? In the Franklin Covey method, Steven Covey states that if you move an activity three times; take it off your list because it is not that important to you. I try to follow his advice and find that generally he is correct.

Would you prefer to be with a curmudgeon who does everything perfectly or a cheerful person who does a little less? When we are balanced, we are blessings of joy to others. When I am balanced, besides being calmer, I seem to get more done and accomplish it more creatively. Take some time each day and review your “to do” list in order to simplify, delegate or remove some of your extraneous activity. As you go through your day, notice if you are more pleasant to be around and if you actually accomplish more. This month, I invite you to be more of a “Mary” than a “Martha” and see how you feel.

Reflection Questions:
1.The next time you say yes to a deed, notice if you feel resignation or acceptance.
2.One day this month try the 3 tips to achieve balance in your day.

“One has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself”. Jessye Norman