Tips for Tough Times

Someone wrote to me asking ‘how do you stay strong, hold onto faith and hear your inner voice when life presents you with challenges?’ It is a question many people struggle with myself included, when ’stuff’ happens it is difficult to hang onto the belief this too shall pass and everything will be okay. I wish I could say I possessed a magic wand which would make all the bad things better or disappear but I don’t, all I can offer is a few humble words that may help you through the process.

Firstly as I said before you have to be your own best friend and take care of yourself. It is okay to say ‘no’ when you need to recharge your own batteries, it is okay to say ‘not today’ or ‘I love you but I need to take care of me right now’. Taking care of self is essential if you are to be of any use to others.

Secondly be patient with yourself and others sometimes the only cure is time and sometimes we say and do things as a reaction to our feelings. Sometimes these aren’t appropriate or helpful but beating yourself up because you are human isn’t going to help either and sometimes we have to turn it around and go what would I have done in the same circumstances?

The reason some people walk through the storms and some get blown away by them is due to a few things:

1. Strong people aren’t those who hold onto pride and wait the storm out, courageous people are those who allow themselves to be vulnerable and ask for help.

2. Faith is not an illusio
God will make everything better but a belief there is a reason for everything even if I may not be able to see it until the last breathe.

3. You do not need to go to church or meditate like a Monk to hear the voice of your Creator whoever and whatever you believe this to be. You just have to find a quiet place and start a conversation. “Dear Creator I cannot hold onto this hurt anymore so I am handing it over to you not because I don’t care but because I need to let go.” Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to and I guarantee even if you do not have a burning bush moment Creator is listening.

So here a few myths to let go off:

1. Bad things happened to me because I didn’t have positive thoughts, rubbish bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason what so ever. That is life ’stuff’ happens even to Oprah and the Pope there is no immunity idol this is not an episode of Survivor.

2. If I ask for help I am weak or a failure (just thought I would repeat this one). Only a fool would not access any resource available to them to create the life they want, what does pride achieve except a pat on the back from people who will go off and live their own lives.

3. It has to be done this way because everyone says so, again rubbish. Firstly any loss of any kind has to be grieved whether it is loss of a job, relationship, belief or dream. Secondly how you grieve or how you deal with life’s challenges in general is determined by who you are and what works best for you. Some of us need to hide anyway from the world a while, others need to charge right into the doing, either way it is what feels right for you because ultimately only you know what your body can handle and what you are feeling.

Lastly, let go of guilt, shame and regrets--they will only keep you where you are. Practice forgiveness, loving kindness to self and others and if you make a mistake learn from it and use it to grow and become the divine being you were born to be. It does not matter what faith you are, what color you are, what your sexuality is or you background life does not discriminate like we do it comes with challenges for all of us. So when you walk through the storm do so knowing someone has been there before and it will pass and you will be okay and one day your story will help someone else.