A calm confrontation on infidelity isn't a simple job. You need to have guidelines to go by on how to deal with the process of understanding the truth.

You can’t avoid the feeling of fear when you’re about to confront your partner for an infidelity issue. You just don’t know what will happen after it. If everything goes as planned, you’re lucky. If it worsens the relationship, you need to face the negative consequences. That’s why you have to be careful not only at the start but all through the entire process. Here are five steps on how to deal with it.

Don’t just burst out.

At the peak of anger, the easiest thing to do is to flare up for release. If you do this, most likely you’ll burst out at an inappropriate time and place. This can lead to humiliation both on you and your partner’s side. If you want to save your face and composure, take a few deep breaths and be calm. If you need to walk away for a few hour or days, do it.

Be objective in dealing with the situation.

A lot of couples struggle over an issue because they don’t manage it objectively. Don’t forget that the aim of confrontation is understanding. If you’re being defensive or offensive, you’re putting a wall between you and your partner. Tell him/her objectively what you know and how you discovered the extra-marital affair.

Explain how your partner has hurt you.

Infidelity is too serious to be ignored. It can lead to frustration, anxiety and misery. If these aren’t handled correctly, it can dampen a person’s spirit. So while remembering the second step, explain how your partner has hurt you. He/She must know what you’re going through because it was his/her move that caused the hurt. If he/she chooses to ignore you, don’t insist. You can always count on your friends later.

Listen to your partner wholeheartedly.

There will always be a reason for his/her unfaithfulness and you deserve the truth. Ask your spouse to confess and prepare yourself for whatever you’ll hear. Don’t interrupt him/her in the middle of the explanation. At times, silence will even encourage him/her to elaborate further. You will naturally feel hurt but being biased won’t help. Give your spouse the chance to defend his/her side. It will be the only way to know if infidelity was his/her choice or a consequence of your cold treatment to your relationship.

Agree on how you’ll manage the situation.

After your conversation, come up with an agreement. Are you willing to forgive and forget the misdeed? Will you work on your divorce or annulment documents? You don’t need to come into terms right after the confrontation. Take your time in pondering about the situation. The best decisions aren’t made when you’re at the peak of anger.

Confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive. It can still be done peacefully as long as you don’t lose respect for each other. It may be a difficult process but it’s the only way to set yourself free from your misery. Be brave and be patient enough to straighten things out.

Author's Bio: 

You may be able to do this more calmly when you have an understanding of his real motives. Read through why do men have affairs to get an idea of his genuine reason. Also read the information on recommended expert advices on dealing with affairs on Survive an Affair eBook.