Psssst, wanna know a little divorce secret?

Your daily divorce drama is an illusion.

Sure, to you, it can feel all too real, but the fact is we get stuck in the drama mud because we have never been been taugt how to break ourselves away from it. People love to tell you to hold your head up high, and to be like Teflon, but during divorce nobody bothers to dig deeper into why you feel like crap, and how you can use that reasoning for getting unstuck.

The reason there is so much drama throughout the process is because your frame of mind is ruled by reactive emotions, rather than by the logic the process (and you) deserves.

None of us can help it. During divorce, it’s like an atomic bomb went off and you are in survival mode, doing whatever you can to make it from one day to the next. It’s no wonder you wake up every morning exhausted, having to prepare for the next argument, the next threat, the next pounding stress headache.

This mindset is why we get stuck. We are reduced to thinking of things as just living from one day to the next because our emotions and survival mode have made us think that there is no other way. This is why you get pissed if you hear the ex-to-be has started to date someone new, or why you become upset if they threaten that you’ll never see the children again, or start to panic, doubting your ability to do this alone and getting through it without going insane.

Those are reactions to the end of the marriage, and those reactive feelings mold your decisions going forward. Simply put, that’s why everything you’re trying to navigate–the legal stuff, the financial, the logistics, the emotions—no matter what you do or how hard you try, feel like a mess.

But it can be different. You can change those reactions.

When divorce is making you feel awful because you’re trying to navigate through the divorce overwhelm and hard feelings, that quick reaction tends to be an emotional reaction. And when you react emotionally, there’s no time to step back, take a deep breath, and figure out a more logical and calm solution that you deserve.

Learning how to shift your mindset to think react logically is a lifeline journey. But today, let’s start the process with this simple exercise!

The only requirement is that you are COMPLETELY HONEST with yourself when you go through the steps.

Part 1

1.List what’s making you feel like crap today.

2.List what’s made you feel like crap in the past week.

3.List what’s made you feel like crap in the past month.

4.List what’s make you feel like crap since the split started.

For Example…

1. I’m feeling bad today because my there is just too much to do

2.This past week, I found out my ex-to-be is dating again

3.This month I visited with a lawyer and found out her retainer fee. I’m freaking out because I don’t know how I’ll afford it

4.I’m just so confused and angry and heart-broken. I feel like I’m to blame for the divorce

Part 2
Now comes the fun part. For each reason you have written down, you will counter that feeling with something that you can control. And to hold yourself accountable, you will give yourself a time frame to accomplish it. Take a look at the examples for divorce inspiration!

1.There is a lot to do, but I haven’t bothered to write a list. What I am going to do is write a to-do list of the things I really need to do today. It’s not everything. Then tomorrow, I am going to do the same. And then I am going to look at a month-long calendar and prioritize what really needs to be done. And I will ask for help and reach out for advice within the next week. I don’t have to feel overwhelmed because I don’t have to go through this alone.

2.I’m sad that my ex is dating again, but I need to remember that I deserve to be with someone who treats me right and doesn’t make me feel bad, which they did. I instead will direct that sadness into energy for myself--in the next two days, I am going to find a Meet-up group I really like and I am going to one of their events by next week. This week-end, I am going to treat myself to a movie that I want to see—something my ex-to-be would never have gone to but I can go enjoy it by myself.

3.Although I am freaked out by the lawyer’s fee, I have options. If she’s a good lawyer and I trust her, I will research what options I have to come up with the money. If it’s still out of the ballpark, I will research legal clinics and pro-bono places this weekend and see what other reasonably-priced legal representation is there.

4.I feel horrible about the divorce and I need someone to talk to. Tomorrow I am going to search for a therapist and I will make an appointment next week. Tonight after dinner, I am going to see what healing and books are available on Amazon to buy that can make me feel better. Next week, I will find an online support group where I can share my story in a non-judgmental platform.

Now it’s your turn! Don’t be afraid to play around with this exercise and search your options. You’ll surprise yourself with the amount of creativity and knowledge you already have to start making yourself feel better.

So much of the drama we experience daily is a result of how we react outside influences. You alone have the power to choose how you react. And when you make those smart choices of reacting with kindness and logic, the easier it will be to glide from day-to-day and not be held prisoner with drama that you think is out of your control.

Author's Bio: 

Author Bio
Martha Bodyfelt is a certified Divorce Coach whose website, "Surviving Your Split," helps readers break out of their divorce rut, regain their confidence, and move on with their lives.

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