To Pay Or Not To Pay: Isn't That The Question?

How to save on dates!

Okay guys.
Here's the skinny: the economy sucks, the job market sucks, the prices of gas, milk, and orange juice suck.
And now you think you're supposed to foot the bill for taking Lady Godiva out on a date?

Wrongo-bongo!
Yes, to pay or not to pay – that is indeed the question.

No doubt, back in the day, as they say, the guy paid – no muss, no fuss.
It was the norm, it was expected, and it was what you did.
Today, for you to pay the way for every event is ludicrous.
And, if Cleopatra doesn't understand that, then ditch her fast.

Now that we've got that established, we have a few things to discuss. First is, how do you decide what in the date-game to pay for?
Second, what does your paying predilection say about you?
Third: how do you discuss payment options?

Take out a piece of paper and let's look at this stuff in more detail.

1.How do you decide what to pay for?
This is not a winner pays all game anymore, guys.
You've got to look at this in terms of pure economics.
Here are a few things you need to consider; write down your answers:

Which of you makes more money?
What do you want to pay for/buy?
How much of those things above can you afford to pay for/buy?
What does she like to do?
How much do the things she likes to do cost?
What do you like to do?
How much do the things you like to do cost?

Now also as part of this exercise, decide upon the things you think would be cool to do together.
Write them down and assign ballpark costs to each one.
Then prioritize them in terms of fun, affordable things to do you will both enjoy.

And one last thing – make a list of other stuff you'd like to pay for, like candy, flowers, jewelry and so on.
Prioritize these just as you did above.

2.What does your paying predilection say about you?
Time to take one of those hard, relentless views of yourself. Here are some possibilities to consider:

You feel like you need to "buy" her time and attentio

You want to "show off that you're one cool, rich dud.
You're basically a wimp – too scared to even think of asking her to pay for anything.
You're a freeloader who has convinced himself he doesn't owe anyone anything
You're a balanced, decent guy who admits he can't afford to take this lady out the way he'd like all by himself, but still wants to share the good stuff with her.

Think about these options, and of course, there are many in between as it's all a matter of degree.

Once you have an answer to the #2 question, you're ready to move on to #3.

3.How do you talk to her about payment options?
First thing here is to think positive and assertive.
Tell yourself it is only reasonable that you not be expected to pay for everything.
Second – don't spring it on her when the check comes after an expensive dinner that you expect her to pick it up.
Third – experiment with dialog:

Can I take you out for dinner and a movie? n(This phrasing means that you are unequivocally, going to pay)

Would you join me for dinner and a movie? n(This phrasing is ambiguous)

Let's go Dutch to a dinner and movie tonight.
(Clear message here)

Okay then, guys, the notion of all pay, no play is now squelched and it's up to you to work out a plan with your Cinderella for a fun-filled, affordable time together.