Toxic Shame: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Feel Ashamed Of Things That Are Part Of Being Human?
19/7/20200 Comments

If someone was to incarnate as a bird, there would be certain things that would be part of their experience. The only way that they would change this is by denying their nature or ending their life.

If they were to deny their nature, their life as a bird would be harder than it needs to be. One would be working against themselves as opposed to working with themselves, creating unnecessary problems in the process.

The Other Option

Ending their life would mean that they are no longer confined to experiencing life as a bird but it would also mean that their life as a bird is over. The life that they had been given wouldn’t have been embraced and they would need to start all over again as something, or someone, else.

If they were to incarnate as a dog next time instead, there would still be things that were part of their experience. Compared with their last incarnation, they might feel restricted, as they wouldn’t be able to fly.

Back To Reality

As to whether someone who has incarnated as a human being could actually incarnate as an animal is not the point; the point is that there are always going to be things that will be part of their experience. Through being a human being, there will be things that they can do that an animal can’t and vice versa.

They might not be able to fly like a bird or to love endlessly like a dog, but they will be able to go in a hang glider and to develop the ability to be more loving. Through having a human body or suite, they will also have far more control than they would otherwise.

A Unique Experience

This is why it has been said that it is a privilege to be a human being as being human will mean that one will have far more control than an animal. Through having a highly developed suit, they will be able to hold more consciousness too.

It has been said that although human beings and mice share about 97.5 of their working DNA, what makes the difference is the level of consciousness that the former is able to embody. Naturally, this is not to say that being a human being is all fun and games; through being more complex, there is the chance for far more to go wrong internally and far more damage can be done externally.

Part of the Experience

So, when it comes to a human being, there are going to be certain things that will be part of their experience. Having needs, feelings, being imperfect and needing to say yes and no are some of those things.

When someone feels comfortable with these things, there is going to be no reason for them to hide their needs and feelings, to try to be perfect and to say yes and no at the wrong times. Or if they do any of these things, it will be the exception as opposed to the rule.

The Norm

If someone does experience life in this way, this could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. As a result of this, they will have more or less always had a good relationship with their nature.

It might not even occur to them that there are people out there who have a very different experience. Irrespective of whether it does or doesn’t occur, being comfortable with these elements, along with others, will allow them to lead a fulfilling existence.

Another Scenario

When someone doesn’t experience life it this way, it is going to mean that the things that are part of the human experience will be seen as a problem. One can believe that their needs and feelings are bad and that they need to hide them in order to be accepted by others.

They can also believe that they need to be perfect and that being imperfect will cause other people to reject and abandon them. As for standing their ground and making it clear if they do or don’t want to do something, this can be seen as something that is not safe to do.

A Bleak Existence

One is then not going to able to express their true-self and their life will be nothing more than an act. Not fulfilling their needs is likely to mean that they will be used to running on empty, and keeping their feelings to themselves is not going to allow them to deeply connect to others and it won’t be healthy either.

Having the need to be perfect in every way, or in just a few ways, is going to mean that they will experience a lot of pressure and stress. As for not being able to assert themselves, they will be used to saying yes and no at the wrong times, which means that they will probably be used to being walked over and violated.

What’s going?

The big question is: why would someone have such a challenge with things that are part of the human experience? What this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing.

Their formative years were most likely a time when their needs were rarely, if ever met, with them being seen as a worthless burden. Through having caregivers who were unable to truly be there for them and to give them what they needed to develop in the right way, they would have come to believe that there was something wrong with the things that are just part of the human experience.

A Traumatic Time

If ever they did reach out or said ‘no’, for instance, they may have been rejected and abandoned, or harmed. As they were egocentric, they would have taken what took place personally.

Thus, it was then not that there was something wrong with their caregivers; it was that there was something inherently wrong with them. To handle what was going on, they would have had to lose touch with themselves and develop a false-self.


Many years will have passed since that stage of their life, but what they came to believe during that period of time will still be in place, and they will still carry the trauma that they experienced. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with their needs and feelings, being imperfect is part of life, and asserting themselves is the right thing to do.

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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