In relationships, before we can be fully present for another, we should know how to be fully present for ourselves. This complete presence is the finest form of attention we can give anyone or anything. It is how we see (with William Blake)

…‘the world in a grain of sand

and heaven in a wild flower,

hold infinity in the palm of our hand

and eternity in an hour’.

It is the ultimate self-love.

'Self-love' is often mis-read as arrogance or narcissism. The phrase ‘being very full of yourself’ is not a compliment. But until you do unreservedly rejoice in your uniqueness, you will rarely appreciate the charismatic dances of everyone else (and when you do there will be twinges of regret and jealousy.)

To be 'fully present' means to care for all aspects of ourselves, our thoughts our words and our actions. If we are not fully present then we are - to some degree - in a state of triniphobia. Even stepping towards a dream (while deep down wishing we could be doing it another way) there is a risk of tripping over our feet.

It takes some practise to keep our focus on believing in, what hasn’t actually materialised before us. It is a dance of great skill to 'remember forward' into a desire without fixing on its current absence, but our feelings are always the most accurate guide. Our skill increases as we learn to track the emotions and sensations in the body, so here is a very simple system to help monitor them. Even the most aware and best-intentioned of us are often disempowered by our own fallibility, and a simple tool is an effective one.

We have called this system the TLC system. Traffic Light Colours for Tender Loving Care. This is how it functions:

In any situation, you bring your full presence to the moment with a simple question.

'Which colour traffic light am I feeling right now?'

Green for Go

All is well with the dance I am doing. I feel energised, blissful and creative or I feel light, loving and generous or I feel powerful, composed and witty. There are many more combinations and all of them are characterised by alignment - of thought, word, deed and feeling. We know we can trust totally in the dance of life available and give both ourselves and the other dancer our full attention. And it will probably turn out better then we imagine.

There are a whole range of greens to choose from:

The emerald green of ecstasy,

the lime-tinted green of sharp-awareness,

the holly green of deep contentment,

the fir green of stillness,

the sea-green of adventurous spirit

and the gentle olive green of eager acceptance.

(You don’t have to be in ‘agreenment’ with these – make up a dozen of your own)

In every case, the body will feel good. We are allowing life to flow beautifully through us, attracting all kinds of gorgeous experiences, members of the dominant green party.

Amber for Alertness

Things are not bad but they are not completely right. You have a feeling of ‘amberguity’ and are responding with some ‘ambervalence’ to the situation. You may feel annoyed, uncertain and strained or you may feel tired, worried and pre-occupied or you may feel heavy, slow and uninterested. There are, of course, thousands of combinations and all of them are characterised by a sense of lack.

Whatever the lack flavour (lack of love, lack of abundance, lack of time, lack of recognition) the solution to an amber flash is always the same - some TLC – for us and the other dancer.

All thoughts of gentleness, affection, light-heartedness, all declarations of generosity, beauty and gratitude will turn the situation green-wards. Make very clear to yourself the desire for both of you to be enhanced by the dance and both of your dreams to be served by the improvisation together.

Clarity is now the key for any diamond. Without hostility explain your sense of unease and desire for a beneficial compromise. Lightly discuss the possibilities and unambiguously define your boundaries. Keep always in mind:

‘I win/you lose/everybody loses’

‘I lose/you win/everybody loses’

‘I win/you win/ everybody wins’

You can change the situation by heeding the amber warnings and dealing with them succinctly. Pretending that you are not feeling them and drowning them with chocolate and alcohol is not demonstrating TLC.

Red for Danger

The body will be clear about this emotional state. There may be fast breathing, heart pounding and exhaustion; there may be depression, panic and sickness; there may be anger, dismay and weepiness or so many more. You know what happens to your body when the ‘red’ thoughts churn around relentlessly and the body never lies!

This is the time to stop everything, breathe deeply, calm down and remember your power. It is the time to immediately make a different choice, one that makes you feel better. A ‘feeling better choice’ is the number one priority (explanations can come later). Find the comfort, the re-assurance, the humour, the strength, the wisdom, the courage somewhere. Move away, pivot, confront, sort out, demand…do whatever helps you.

Before you can change the emotional colour from red, to orange, to green (and quickly) you must minister to your own needs. Only when you are no longer flashing red for danger can you be fully present and attentive to others. It is only in full presence that the powerful love flows.

Dance your dance in all the rainbow shades of emotions, but choose the 'green-light' feelings for your guidance. Being aware of the full range allows us our most charismatic and harmonious dance on the diamond point of no time.

'I love my body and we live in harmony,

We seem to fit together just perfectly.'


Practice this virtually.
Think of an ambiguous situation with another dancer and, by the deliberate application of generous, compassionate, creative thoughts, move the weight of your opinion towards a win/win situation. Yes it does take some focus!

Think of a ‘red for danger’ situation so clearly that you can feel your mind panic your body slightly. Then immediately drop it, divert yourself and apply some TLC to yourself. Notice how quickly the feeling changes. This is mind dancing with matter and you should mind for it does matter.

From the Quantum Heart-space Project and the 'wholy geometry of 1+1=3'

Author's Bio: 

Dream Warrior Jenni P and her beloved partner Dzai are authors, guides and performers dedicated to helping people fulfil their dreams.

Desiring to innovate a brand new approach to the connection between maintaining healthy vibrational alignment and dream fulfilment, they delved into their hearts, wisdom and created the highly original and entertaining Quantum Heart-space shared abundance project. It is based on the tenet...

'In the ennobling task of enabling another your own majesty shines forth'

and can be applied to any area of life where there is a desire for growth.