From the outside, someone can appear to be free to express who they are. However, although this may appear to be the case, it doesn’t mean that this is something that they can actually relate to.

And, to make matters worse, there is the chance that they are not fully aware of the fact that they are this way. If so, they won’t be aware of what is going on but they are likely to be aware of the effects of living in this way.

One Scenario

By not freely expressing themselves, the people in their life are unlikely to know who they really are. How they come across around others will typically be a reflection of their false self.

This part of them won’t be an expression of their true needs and feelings; it will be an expression of how others and how they think others want them to behave. In general, their true needs and feelings could be a mystery to them.


If they were in touch with what is was taking place inside them, it would only be other people who were not aware of their true self. But, as they are not, they will be just as unaware.

Naturally, not expressing and fulfilling most of their needs is going to take its toll on them. When it comes to the symptoms of being this way, then, they could often feel down and depressed, drained, frustrated, lonely, and, at times, perhaps even suicidal, among other things.

Keeping It In

With what is going on for them, it will be a good idea for them to reach out for support. The trouble is that this would involve expressing what is going on for them, which is something that won’t feel comfortable.

As a result of this, they are likely to keep just about everything to themselves. It then won’t matter if they spend a lot of time around others as these people won’t find out about their suffering.

Another Scenario

If, on the other hand, one is in this position but they are often aware of their needs and feelings, they probably won’t be much better off. Unlike the person above, they will have most if not all the symptoms of being this way but they will know or have a rough idea why their life is this way.

They can see that if they were able to freely express how they felt and reveal their needs, their life would be very different. This would allow them to let go of their false self and to actually connect to their fellow human beings.


This would be a natural outcome of being connected to their feelings, as it is this part of them that will allow them to form a deeper connection with others. Being estranged from their body and living up top, won’t allow them to truly connect to anyone or anything.

So, as they are fairly in tune with themselves but are unable to take the next step, to express their true self, they are likely to feel trapped. They won’t be in a building that has four walls and a ceiling, though; they will be trapped by their false self.

A Strange Experience

Their true self, through being deprived of the nutrients that it needs for so long, will be desperate to be seen and ahead. If they were to think about doing this, let alone actually doing this, they could be filled with fear and anxiety.

This could be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. Along with this, they could feel deeply ashamed during this time and this could cause their face to heat up.

A Living Hell

They will need to open up to a safe and trusted other about what is going on for them; if they don’t, they will continue to live a miserable existence. The main issue is that as bad as their life is, the alternative will be seen as being far worse.

Ultimately, the emotional and intellectual part of their being will tell them that if they reach out, they will be ostracised and their life will soon come to an end. Naturally, with all this going on inside them, it is not going to be a surprise that they are suffering in silence and may even have moments when they believe that ending their life is the only way for them to liberate themselves from the pain that they are in.

Going Deeper

If they were to think about their childhood years, they might not be able to remember a great deal. Nonetheless, this may have been a time when they were deprived of the love, care and attunement that they needed to be able to grow and develop.

Without the right nutrients, their true self would have gone into hiding and a false self would have automatically formed. As to why they would have been deprived of what they need, they may have often been neglected and abused.

The Fallout

As they were unable to think rationally and were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, what took place would have been personalised and they would have had to tolerate it. They would have soon come to believe that the reason they were being treated badly was due to them being unlovable, unworthy and bad.

To survive, losing touch with themselves and being who their caregivers wanted them to be and who they thought they wanted them to be would have been essential. Their true essence would have gone into hiding and what would have been left was a shut down, disconnected being.

In A Bad Way

The pain that they experienced by rarely if ever having their developmental needs met would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. This pain would have been repressed and their conscious mind would have forgotten all about it.

For them to have access to all of who they are, to be a whole human being, they will need to work through this pain. Until this takes place, they will continue to be a disembodied being who doesn’t feel comfortable expressing themselves.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

What they will need to keep in mind, even if they are unable to accept this at an emotional level right now, is that there is nothing inherently wrong with them. Furthermore, there are plenty of people who will mirror this back to them.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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