Although someone will be an individual that has their own needs, feelings, thoughts and preferences, it doesn’t mean that they will typically act like one. In general, they could act as though they are nothing more than an extension of others.

Consequently, it will be normal for them to hide themselves around others and put on an act. Therefore, even if they don't act for a living or as a hobby, their life will be one big act.


However, it doesn’t mean that the people in their life will realise this. Most, if not all of these people, could believe that how they come across is just who they are and it might not even occur to them that they are not revealing themselves.

This may mean that there are a number of people in their life who are somewhat or completely caught up with their own needs. Due to this, it won’t be possible for them to see that one’s true essence is often covered up.

A Mismatch

The outcome of this is that how another person sees them is likely to have very little to do with what they are actually like. For example, they can be seen as someone who is easy-going, understanding and happy.

They are then going to be easy to be around and not put pressure on anyone to be a certain way or to do a certain thing. Naturally, it will take a lot of energy to both maintain this act and to keep their true feelings at bay.

Another Part

By seldom expressing themselves, they are also going to be used to saying yes when they would rather say no. This will cause them to do things that they don't want to do and don't serve them.

Thanks to this, they are likely to spend a fair amount of time being walked over and even violated. But, instead of letting this be known, they could have the inclination to keep it to themselves.

A Doormat

From the outside, it might seem as though nothing bothers them; with them coming across as very stoic. Deep down, however, they are likely to be carrying a lot of anger and rage.

These feelings might seldom enter their conscious awareness but they will still have an effect on them. For one thing, they could often feel very heavy and have moments when they feel very low and even depressed.

Drawing the Line

For their life to change, they will probably need to get to the stage where they have had enough of living in this way. By depriving themselves of what they need and want for so long and running on empty as a result, they won’t be able to carry on living in this way.

This can be a time when they will struggle to understand why they are this way and why they neglect themselves. If so, this will show that their conscious mind has absolutely no idea about what is going on.

An Exercise

If they were to imagine that they were asked to do something that they didn’t want to do, they may find that they are unable to say no. Just thinking about doing so could cause them to feel uncomfortable.

By doing deeper, they might find that they feel anxious and even fearful. Under this could be the fear that they will be rejected and abandoned and that their life will come to an end.


As this will make no sense to them whatsoever, it is likely to show that their brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on what is going on. This will have taken place to protect them, not to undermine them.

What this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. They may have been brought up by at least one parent who was unable to truly be there for them and saw them as an extension of themselves.

A Barren Existence

This would have forced them to lose touch with their true self and create a false self. If they did what this parent wanted, then, their false self would have probably been given attention and approval.

But, if they ever expressed themselves, they might have ended up being rejected and abandoned. And even when they did do what this parent wanted, they might have still been cast aside; demonstrating how capricious this parent was.

A Living Hell

As they were powerless and totally dependent, they would not have been able to do anything about what was going on. No matter how tuned in they were to this parent's need and how estranged they were from their own, they were not dealing with someone who was emotionally stable and together.

Being left and isolated from others at this stage of their life would have deeply traumatised them and their brain would have automatically repressed the pain they were in. A time of their life when they needed an attuned parent/s in order to develop properly was a time when they essentially spent a lot of time in solitary confinement and thereby, missed out on what they desperately needed.

It’s over

Now, what took place will be ‘in the past’ but a big part of them won’t realise that this is the case. Their brain and body will be carrying a lot of pain and associations that are preventing them from truly moving forward.

This pain will have to be worked through in parts; there will be too much inside them for it to be worked through in one go. Considering this, this is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to -

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -