From the outside, it could seem as though someone has a good connection with themselves and that what is taking place inside them is defining how they behave. However, although this may appear to be the case, it doesn’t mean that there is any truth to it.

One could generally be out of touch with how they feel and this will mean that they won’t have a strong connection with their true-self. Through being this way, their behaviour will have very little to do with who they are.

Their Priority

Instead, it will typically be the result of what they believe will allow them to please others. They are then going to spend a lot of time being focused on what is going on externally, so that they do the ‘right’ thing.

Still, this is not to say that this is something that they will be consciously aware of, as it could just happen in most cases. This is because the guidance that they need is rarely going to be available to them internally, which is why they need to look towards others for guidance.

Old Ways of Behaving

What this also doesn’t mean is that in each moment of their life they will need to look towards others for guidance on how to behave. The reason for this is that a lot of their behaviour will have probably been in place for many, many years.

Therefore, while there will be times when they will look towards others for guidance on how to behave, they can generally behave in a way that doesn’t require guidance. When this takes place, it is likely to illustrate that they believe that behaving in a certain way will allow them to be accepted.

It’s Safe

These behaviours might not always allow this to take place but in general, they could allow them to fit in. When one lives in this way, it is likely to show that their point of awareness is primarily in their head; it will seldom be in their body.

This is why they will look towards others for guidance as they won’t have access to the guidance that is inside them. Their feelings and their needs - their true-self - will be found in their body.

A Half-Life

For them to live a life that is truly in alignment with who they are and allows them to feel alive, they will need to reconnect to themselves. Until this takes place, they will continue to live on the surface of themselves and to live an unfulfilling existence.

But, although the life that they live probably won’t be fulfilling, it doesn’t mean that they have been able to acknowledge this. In fact, there is a chance that they won’t be ready to do this.

Keeping It Away

The approval that they receive through living in this way – in addition to defences that they have in place - can allow them to keep most, if not all, of their pain at bay. This pain will be there to tell them that something isn’t right, yet they won’t be able to receive this message.

If they were to stop doing things to please others and they were to be with themselves, they might end up coming into contact with a lot of deep pain. They could soon end up slumping right down and feeling deeply depressed.

A Divided Being

They are going to have a mental self and an emotional self, but in general, it will be as if they only have a mental self. There is going to be a clear split here between mind and body, and this is why their life is far harder than it needs to be.

What should be normal is for one to be connected to both parts of their being and for their life to be guided by their feelings and needs. This part of them knows what is best for them and what will bring them fulfilment, not their head.

A Part to Play

The guidance that their head gives them will generally be a consequence of the conditioning that they have received throughout their life and what will allow them to please others. This part can allow them to weigh things up and to make rational decisions, and this is important, yet this part alone doesn’t know what their true calling is and what will make their heart sing.

Taking this into account, why would someone live on the surface of themselves and be estranged from their own body? As an adult, it is clear that being this way is not serving them; it is actually harming them.

Back In Time

Nonetheless, there is a strong chance that living in this way served them during their early years. This is only part of the picture, though; the other part of this is that the reason they are this way is likely to be due to what happened to them as a child and even before they were born.

Their early years may have been a time when they lived in an environment that was loveless and anything but safe and secure. This may have been a time in their life when they were regularly abused and/or neglected.

The Meaning

It would have been clear that is wasn’t safe for them to be in their body and to exist, which is why they had to disconnect from their body and to live in their head. Feeling their feelings would have been too painful and if they were focused on their feelings, they wouldn’t have been aware of what was going on externally.

Being aware of what was going on externally would have made it easier for them to try to minimize the damage that was done to them. It would have given them the illusion of control in an environment where they had no control over what was going on.

A Brutal Time

There is also the chance that they felt rejected when they were in their mother’s womb, and this would have meant that they were already in a bad way by the time they were born. Either way, the external rejection that they experienced would have caused them to reject themselves.

Deep within them, they are likely to believe that there is something inherently wrong with them. This will mean that they are not worthy of life or of living a life that is worth living.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

The truth is that they deserve to be on this earth and they deserve to live a life that is worth living.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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