What someone may find, if they were able to step back and reflect on how they experience life is that they are rarely connected to how they feel or their needs. When this takes place, it could be as though part of themselves has disappeared.

Therefore, they are not going to be able to operate as a whole human being. At this point, their awareness is likely to primarily be up top, with them being estranged from their body.


If it feels as though part of them has disappeared, this is also likely to mean that they have been stripped of their energy and aliveness. To use an analogy; it will be as if they are an inflatable figure and this figure has been deflated.

So, although this figure will still exist, it will no longer be full of air; it will be lifeless. Like this deflated figure, they won’t be the same person that they would be if they were full of life.

The Norm

They could find that this is what takes place when they are around others. In order for them to be connected to themselves, it will be necessary for them to be in their own company.

This will then be a time when they are able to connect to their needs and feelings and inhabit their body. What this will show is that the part of them that usually goes into hiding will be with them.

Another Scenario

Then again, there may be times when they are able to stay connected to their essence when they are around others. This is likely to show that they feel safe enough around the person they are with to not lose touch with themselves.

Along with this, when they are by themselves, it might not always be possible for them to be connected to themselves. There could be times when they are so out of touch with their body, that it’s as though they are a million miles away from it.

A Troubled Existence

By living in this way, it is not going to be possible for them to create a life that is in alignment with who they are. To do this, they will need to generally be connected to themselves and express who they are.

But, as this is the exception as opposed to the rule, the life that they lead is not going to have a lot to do with who they are. If they have lived in this way for as long as they can remember, they could feel pretty helpless.

What’s going on?

Right now, they could wonder why they lose touch with themselves and why part of them goes into hiding. As this is not serving them and they haven’t been able to do anything about them, it is to be expected that they will experience a sense of despair.

Now, if this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, there is a strong chance that they are this way due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deeply traumatised.

Going Deeper

From the moment they were born, they may have often been neglected and when they were given attention, it may have largely been misattuned care. To handle what was going on, they would have automatically repressed how they felt and gone into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state.

This means that part of their being would have split off and gone into hiding. By part of them withdrawing, it would have been a way for them to survive and what would have filled in the gap left by this part of them going into hiding would have been a false self.

As Brutal Time

A time in their life when they needed a caregiver, so they could develop a felt sense of safety, security, worth and love was then a time when they felt totally overwhelmed and become a divided being as a result. Ultimately, it was too much for them to handle what was going on, so their essence had to withdraw.

What was left was their physical self and their disconnected, false self. So, they would have probably been connected to themselves when they were born but their early experiences would have alienated them from themselves.

A Process

If it was just a case of them reconnecting to their body and staying connected to themselves, it would be simple. Yet, as their brain and body is likely to be loaded up with pain, it is not going to be this straightforward.

Working through this pain will take time but, by doing, they are likely to find it easier to connect to and stay connected to their body. This will also mean that they will spend more time being connected to their true self and, consequently, they will be able to feel real and alive.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -