A Healthy Perspective On The Divorce Process

My nine-year-old nephew recently shadowed me to the office one day. Sometime during the midday or our adventure he asked me 'Uncle, what does it mean to be a divorce attorney?' I had no idea how to answer that question having come from a nine-year-old because quite frankly I had no idea what perspective he would bring into the conversation. So I turned the question around on him and asked 'What does being a divorce attorney mean to you nephew?' He shrugged and smiled, and said 'I have no idea what it means.' He then followed up with 'Do you win a lot?' I responded 'I have no idea' and I tried to explain to him that divorce court is not about winning or losing, but it is about negotiation and compromise. Whether my nine-year-old nephew was able to wrap his bright mind around the point that I was trying to teach him remains to be seen. What is for certain in the present time is that his last question caused me to start thinking about perspective, about divorce, and about the American public and our perspective on divorce.

During the past decade, numerous television series have sensationalized the divorce process. Thanks in part to the writers of those television series, we members of the viewing public now have a skewed perception of the divorce process – we misperceive the divorce process as being ‘exciting’, ‘vigorous’, and ‘glamorous’.

As a divorce attorney, let me shoot straight with you….there is nothing exciting, vigorous, or glamorous about the divorce process or the justice system in general. If you do not believe me, you are welcome to shadow me to work one day. Our day will begin at the Tulsa County Courthouse where, once you start to look around, you will see that the divorce attorneys who practice in real life bear zero resemblance to the divorce attorneys you see on television.

On television the divorce attorneys wear $2000.00 suits. On television divorce attorneys use ‘shark-like’ tactics and behave in a way that is ‘cut-throat’. Those are the same television divorce attorneys who exclaim to all who can hear their arrogant voice ‘I do not care about the consequences, I only care about winning’. Reality check, this is not television court …it is Real Life Court.

In Real Life Court, a divorce attorney who wears a $300.00 suit is considered ‘high-end’. In Real Life Court, a divorce attorney who uses ‘shark-like’ tactics is perceived by his colleagues as being ‘unprofessional’ and he quickly becomes stigmatized by his own reputation. In Real Life Court, you do not hear divorce attorneys talk about ‘the win’, you hear them talk about ‘the settlement’. The settlement is reached outside of court, according to terms that work well for both spouses.

Here at Bulldog Divoce, we, like a lot of divorce attorneys, are deeply committed to settling your case outside of court. In the event that a settlement cannot be reached, we aggressively defend our clients' rights.

One closing thought to remember, as a general rule of thumb, a good divorce attorney knows how to win inside of the court room, but a great divorce attorney knows how to negotiate a favorable settlement outside of the court room.