It’s rather easy to have easy, feel-good dialogues with others. Being able to have conversations about things that upset us and make us squirm are the ones that test our trust factor. What we seldom realize is being open to and having tough dialogues is a part of any meaningful relationship.
What trust is:
Trust is the ability to express ourselves freely without the worry of being judged, without the worry of being taken advantage of, with belief in the other person to respect us for who we are, of the love and support we deserve. In simple terms, trust is the absence of worry `and suspicion.
Source of trust:

Most of us think and believe that we develop trust in others depending on others’ reliability, consistency, compatibility, and so on. Little do we admit to ourselves that trust comes from what is inside us. By waiting on others to always prove their worth, to prove that they are trustworthy, we end up constantly being unhappy with ourselves ad others. This is also a clever way of concealing our own fallacies and continuing to be in denial of taking responsibility for the decisions we make.

Causes for lack of trust:

These factors play a great role in determining your ability to trust yourself and others:
• Upbringing in an environment where unpredictability and uncertainty dominated.
• Failed relationships which have given you hurt that you haven’t been able to heal from.
• Repetitive physical, emotional, or financial abuse.
• Fear of abandonment either due to the death of a loved one or unresolved sorrow from a tragedy.
• Misplaced sense of self respect. Your own erroneous beliefs about yourself and others that prevent you from trusting.
• Low self-confidence.

Building trust:

Building trust starts small changes. Take baby steps and allow yourself to make low-risk agreements with someone, where it is ok for you to accept a break of trust, agreement where the loss is bearable and affordable. Of course, the thumb rule in this situation is that you fulfill your side of the deal irrespective of the other person. Continue this process till you are comfortable enough to place your trust in larger and more serious agreements. You would have also gained experience and strength by now to deal with defaulters.

Anything that takes a bigger share of your trust in usually one where the returns are also worthwhile the risk taken!

Dealing with violations of trust:

To deal with a violation of trust you can introspect on the value of the relationship at risk. Once you assess this, you have two choices: one, to absorb the violation of trust and work out a new course for the relationship or two, to move out completely. The latter may seem like the easiest option but should actually be the last resort. Re-building your relationship however will happen only by explicitly dissecting the causes of the violation, understanding the impact of it and readiness of both parties to mutually sort out the issue.

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