An individual with narcissistic personality disorder has pathological envy towards other people who experience joy and happiness. The reason is the narcissist can never feel genuine happiness, which can only be achieved via a genuine self. The narcissistic personality can only ever gain non-genuine happiness through his or her ego (false self).

The difference between genuine happiness and non-genuine happiness is‘inner’ and ‘outer’. Genuine happiness is a connection to life, self and others – it is a true inner feeling. Outer happiness is a reliance on people, things and events fortemporarily better feelings in order to escape inner emptiness and pain.

A narcissistic personality is initially ‘attracted’ to an individual who has the resources to experience happiness. This person may be joyful, attractive, and have a good social status and family and friends. This person will be an ‘empath’, someone who experiences joy as a result of giving to and creating connections with life and others.Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder do not veer towards depressive people who have little to offer.

Further, narcissists are especially drawn to ‘happy’ individuals who have very weak boundaries, high levels of emotional dependencies or abandonment fears, and easily won levels of trust.

Once the narcissist has hooked the individual and started extracting narcissistic supply – any happiness this person experiences is a grave reminder to the narcissist of how he or she cannot be genuinely happy. This is unbearable to the narcissistic individual. ‘I am reliant on you for narcissistic supply, but I loathe you for constantly remindingme who I really am.’

The narcissist will discredit the sources of thisperson’s happiness by devaluing interests, passions, friends and family in order to cut off sources of happiness.Additionally the narcissist will maliciously attack this person’s self-esteem, self-confidence and self-belief (inner sources of joy and happiness).

The narcissistic personality operates from the win / lose paradigm. This means if you are ‘up’ I am ‘down’, and for me to be ‘up’ you have to be ‘down’. The narcissist feels powerful and in control when his or her narcissistic supply target is morose, empty or devastated.

The omnipotence of the narcissistic personality demands ‘I will beyour source of everything, and you will be reliant and controlled by me. Not to grant you energy, but so I can take your energy.’ This means if the narcissist’s human source of supply is getting positive energy from anyone or anything else, the person with narcissistic personality disorder is outraged.

The narcissistic personality simply must be the centre of attention – it has to be all about him or her. This means when a narcissistic personality is in a group setting, and joy and fun is taking place, if the narcissist cannot take over and steal the limelight, he or she must exit the scene rather than suffer a horrendous narcissistic injury.

If you are dealing with aperson who tries to shatter your joy, discredits anything you do for yourself, and promises you things that could make you happy and then lets you down with false promises time and time again, you can be sure this person is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. Genuine loving people gain energy from other’s happiness and joy – narcissists are abhorred by it.

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