When you are with someone you can sense whether or not their intentions are positive. Whether their focus is on adding value to your life or taking it away like some social leach.

As the world famous personal development speaker Tony Robbins says, there’s two ways to have the tallest building. One is to tear down all the other buildings and the other is to concentrate all your efforts on building the tallest and strongest building you can.

It’s an unfortunate human trait that most people demonstrate now and again (some a lot more than others). That, when they see someone who is successful, they want to tear them down…bring them down a peg or two.

It’s a strange illusion that most people buy into at some point. One that makes them believe they are progressing because they are closer to their rivals when, in actual fact, they haven’t really progressed at all. They’ve just brought down the competition.

I’m sure you’ve came across someone fixed into this mode of thinking. People who seem to take pleasure in others failure, those who seem to focus most of their energies on bringing people down and pointing out their faults…People who just don’t seem happy unless they leave a constant trail of social chaos everywhere they go.

While these people can certainly be engaging, it’s not particularly attractive. They can wield a certain power and charisma and can make people feel like they have to seek their approval…It’s like the old government ploy of ‘keeping the people down and they will need you’. On a social level they adopt a similar strategy…Subtlety bring people down and they won’t want to leave you. It’s a compliment in many ways I suppose but not something you want to be around for any length of time.

The flip side of this is, in my opinion, a much more attractive way of being. Rather than bringing people down so that they have the illusion of needing you, build them up and make them feel good about the genuine qualities they have and they’ll eventually feel addicted to being around you because they feel so good!

If being around you is generally a positive experience for people and makes them feel worthwhile and good about themselves then they’ll start to make excuses to be in your company more often.

It really is that simple…Make people feel good and they will want to be around you more often. They’ll be drawn to you in ways they can’t quite verbalise but they know they feel deep inside.

People love to be valued so if you start to look for the qualities you genuinely like, love and appreciate it’ll impact them at both the conscious and pre-conscious levels.

Seeking out a person’s qualities and having positive intentions for them isn’t just something that makes an impression consciously. Just genuinely appreciating and looking out for someone impacts a person on a level out with conversation. They will feel it and be drawn to it because they know you have their best interests at heart…

We all know someone who makes us feel uneasy even though we can’t quite put our finger on why. Deep down we sense that their intentions are less than positive…

In contrast, we all know someone who makes us feel amazing, valued and special. A lot of the time they don’t even have to say much you just sense that their intention is positive and they genuinely appreciate your qualities.

You really can sense someone’s intention…it leaks through every pour in their body…if they are out to enrich your life or to tear you down…it’s everything about them that they don’t have to say.

It’s a tremendously attractive quality that makes people feel privileged to be around you and one that’s well worth cultivating.

So how do we do that? There are actually lots of ways…A great place to start, though, is to make a list of all the people in your life that you like spending time with. Then write down a list of all the things you like and love about them. Take some time to connect with the feelings you have when you think of these qualities.

If you do that one simple thing before you go to meet them next you’ll be amazed at how much more enjoyable and natural the interaction will be.

Author's Bio: 

Steven Burns is known as 'The People's Coach' and is an NLP Trainer, Coach & Hypnotherapist. Following the end of his 9 and 1/2 relationship he decided to specialize in helping people let go of social anxiety disorder and become more confident and skilled in all aspects of socializing. You can find Steven's latest work at The Guide to Social Confidence