Unsatisfied Marriage: I Feel Trapped In My Marriage - Change Your Marriage Now!

"Crisis Perspective"

Perhaps you are feeling like you are trapped in an unbearable and unsatisfying marriage! Are you desperate to understand how things got so bad in your marriage with the person you thought you loved?

This claustrophobic feeling of being trapped is called the "crisis perspective." Since you are here in search of help to break out of the feeling of being trapped so that you can save your marriage and make it better, the helpful effects of a positive attitude concerning your marriage will be the topic of focus.

You can save your marriage by seeing the big picture, using your crisis instinct for "good," determining the causes and solutions of marriage problems, and using effective communication. For the sake of fixing the problems, let us look at how the marriage has deteriorated so that we can have a beginning point for building it back up.

How did the Marriage Come to the Point of Divorce?

Somewhere along the way complacency, boredom, and resentment towards each other took hold of your marriage. As a result, you have been drifting towards relational shipwreck with your spouse. Perhaps, all that you can see and feel is dread concerning the marriage, how difficult the relationship has become, and desperation to escape your feeling of being in prison. One or both of you in the marriage may have suggested or considered divorce as an option to solve your marriage problems.

As such, if you do not want a divorce, then the prospect of divorce could be a determining factor for your marriage crisis perspective. Therefore, there could be another way of looking at your crisis perspective. If you have a sense of panic, then this may indicate that you may not really want to pursue divorce as an option for solving this marriage crisis.

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A Perspective Concerning the "Big Picture"

Success is refusal to give up under pressure, while learning from failures, and building on the success of each goal along the way. This perspective takes into account many factors concerning motive for beginning to accomplish a goal, as well as keeping the end goal in sight.

Marriage often has the goal in mind of happiness, companionship, satisfaction, support, and stability at the onset of the marriage. However, without a unifying vision the purpose of a relationship can be allowed to slip. Strongly identifiable marriage pressures, such as financial, work, and child rearing stress can take over the purpose of the marriage with harmful results. To combat this negative effect of stress, each marriage partner could find a purpose that allows him or her to "rise above" these stresses. Contributing his or her unique talents and abilities in a marriage that has a unifying vision allows husbands and wives to have the potential to "rise above it all."

In each moment of marriage crisis, take a deep breath, mentally sweep aside any outside marriage pressure and decide to focus on a goal that both you and your spouse decided to accomplish. Also both you and your spouse could decide to establish a new vision for the marriage. That new vision for the marriage could be the very survival of the marriage. A focus on the combination of the qualitative desires of happiness, companionship, satisfaction, support, and stability with a focus on the overall vision for the marriage will allow you to escape from the "crisis perspective" in order to be able to focus on an inspirational "big picture" for the life of your marriage.

Use Your "Save Your Marriage" Instinct

If you use each "crisis instinct" constructively with good intentions, then it could become a valuable "save your marriage" instinct. It is with that in mind that I want to encourage you to neither ignore your instincts, nor give up on your marriage. You do not have to give up on the dreams you and your spouse made when you started your marriage. The key to making all of this a reality for you and your spouse depends on both of your willingness to make the necessary steps to identify, solve, and continue to improve on those things that got the marriage off-course.

Identify and solve the marriage problems

If divorce has been considered or not considered, it is important to determine which reasons for conflict and marriage problems have contributed to the crisis condition of your marriage. Some marriage problem suggestions include:

Infidelity

Becoming adversaries instead of loving partners

Living in two separate worlds with nothing in common

Losing the ability to communicate effectively

Losing the desire to communicate with each other

Losing the desire to be intimate together on a regular basis

Allowing family and outside stresses to interfere with the harmony of your marriage

Allowing child rearing commitment to replace the marriage commitment to each other

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Marriage problems vary from one married couple to another. However, it is important to sit down with your spouse and write down all of your relevant marriage problems together. This will allow you to come up with possibly potential ways to solve these damaging marriage problems. It is important to be open to coming up with trying out various options and solutions to solving each problem. Once you have some firm strategies for solving problems in your married life, make a set schedule in your week to continue communication. Also, use these times as opportunities for making the needed changes, which could save the marriage.

Only deviate from the schedule if the process of solving your marriage problems causes a "flare-up" of anger and conflict. In that case, take a break from one another to cool-off with a new time scheduled to meet in order to finish the problem solving portion of your marriage restoration efforts. To prevent "flare-ups" of such conflict, it is advised that each partner in the marriage refrain from using accusatory statements. Instead only use statements that describe how you felt in and about a certain situation.

Open-Ended Communication

Also, these sessions should use open-discourse or open-ended communication that allows for respect of all statements and opinions. Open discourse allows for ongoing problem solving that you can use as a topic progresses and solutions are determined. In fact, these methods could make the marriage better than it had been in previous seasons of the marriage. The positive nature of this communication strategy should foster the creation and/or renewal of an intense passion for each other.

Understand the Benefits of a Having a Stable and Loving Marriage as a New Goal

While you begin to see positive changes in your relationship due to handling marriage problems together it is important to focus on improving the quality of your relationship. It is important to focus on experimenting on solutions for providing the best possible mutual satisfaction to each other in your marriage. Strengthening your ability to communicate should ensure that each of you will enjoy a greater emotional and physical sense of satisfaction within your marriage. This will make the concept of considering your marriage to be a lifelong bond between the two of you a much more completing and gratifying prospect to achieve in the future.

Conclusion

No matter how much the bitterness between you and your spouse seems intolerable or how difficult both of you find it is to live with each other be assured that there is hope to save your marriage. Don't ignore your instinct to save your marriage and don't give up on the dream the two of you started out with for the marriage.

Use a positive perspective concerning the big picture of your marriage as an inspirational tool that will help you reignite love, trust, and understanding so that you can conquer each and every marriage problem as a strong partnership. The two of you can become that strong partnership through caring understanding of each other, deciding to honor each other lovingly based on that understanding, and a daily will to fight for your marriage together.

The payoff of successfully saving your marriage should result in the prevention of allowing anger, frustration, and bitterness from taking over your marriage. The other side of the payoff should be expressed as a more intense passion for each other. After all, your marriage was taken to the brink of destruction and rebuilt to become a "built to last" marriage with a strong vision for the future.

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Do you feel trapped in your marriage? When you feel "trapped" in your marriage, you are probably facing a problem of realizing your needs. You probably feel that your spouse doesn't understand you and find yourself in a situation helpless.

Feeling trapped in a relationship is often accompanied by the perception that the problems are beyond control and therefore they think it can never be solved.

In order to improve your current situation, you must cast aside the thinking that your marriage can't work. If you can start taking a step forward to express a wish to stay together, you are able to encourage your spouse to change his or her thinking to save the marriage.

Whether your spouse is interested or not interested to save your marriage, you should try anticipating the whole situation in a more positive way such as facing it with a smile and hug than putting on a "black face". When things are getting into a cool manner, both of you can start to share the underlying problems that are causing to feel trapped in your marriage. Discuss together about the solutions to specific problems so that it can improve the situation. Learn to understand what words and actions can be harsh on your marriage. Develop good habits of bringing both of you closer to each other over the time.

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Marriage is a joint venture that both parties must partake in. There is no one-way street anymore once you have tied the knot. Having a successful marriage has nothing to do with your own selfish needs. If you still have the little boy or little girl in you that must have their way, you need to get rid of this right away if you want a successful marriage.

Stereotyping is something that exists in this world. I believe once you get past your childish ways, as a man or woman, you truly accept what your natural role is. Each partner has their own responsibilities they must accept in a relationship in order for a marriage to function successfully. When you accept this responsibility, it can not in any way be related to a stereotype. Generally speaking, men are more suited and happier to go out and be the breadwinner of the family. Once again generally speaking, women are happier being the nurturer and backbone of the family. We all have natural roles and drives inside of us. These cannot be ignored in a successful marriage.

There is no set in stone what a man and woman will each do in a relationship. Flexibility and compromise are a key along the way. You need to sit down and list the natural gifts each of you have and move forward. For example, the man may be better at earning money, while the woman may be better at managing and handling that money. Each person should concentrate on what their strengths are to build on those.

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Cooperation is key in marriage. Trying to compete against one another for any reason is a dangerous element that can ruin marriage. Men and women both find themselves trying to be competitive as to what their rights are in today's society. You must accept what your other half has to offer. Let them shine in their area, so you can shine in yours. Combining each other's strengths is the key formula in a successful marriage.

Many married couples in today's society find themselves competing over their children's attention. You hear in many cases where the woman or man is trying to buy the children's affection and love with material possessions. You may also allow your child to indulge in an acceptable social behavior or many other examples. Many times this is all done unconsciously. When confronted most of the time, the partner does not even realize what he or she is doing. You must learn to love and share issue each other's strengths, while not being competitive. Situations like this with competition only result in you, your spouse, and especially your child losing. Nothing is gained from this type of behavior.

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Author's Bio: 

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