Valentine's Day: Not in Love, But Married
Written by Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT
While we think that Valentine’s Day is fun for those in a new and loving relationship, we know that it can be a very depressing day for those in unhappy relationships. Here are some tips to help you cope with this day.
Lower your expectations. This is not a time to hope for a big change in any relationship, let alone one that has been in a rough spot for some time. Try not to look for something special from your spouse because you have a good chance of being disappointed and hurt. Better not to set yourself up for that.
Find a way to love yourself. Remember that you are an important person who is worthy of love.
Do something nice for someone else, particularly someone who might be alone or sad. Send a card, make a call, give a box of candy or single flower to someone else who might be alone or lonely.
Make a careful decision about whether or not to do something for your spouse. Doing nothing because you are mad or hurt does not help you to feel better. Giving something because you hope to give something in return may set up disappointment. Choosing to give a card or small gift as a way of making a move toward your spouse may be a good idea. Whatever you choose to do, examine your motives and do it because it would feel right to you and not because you want something in return.
Be grateful for the good in your life. At the beginning of the day, write down 3 things that you like about yourself and your life. At the end of the day, make 3 entries in your Gratitude journal. Write 3 things that you are grateful for on just that day.
Article author
About the Author
Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT has been practicing family therapy for over 30 years. She has taught coursework in couple and family therapy for the University of Louisville and The Louisville Seminary. Sally and her husband, family therapist John Turner, have presented workshops, seminars and retreats for couples and singles with a focus on finding and maintaining healthy relationships.
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