Dear Dennis:

There’s this girl that I’ve liked since for 2 years. I've always made small talk with her but I’ve been too afraid to have a serious conversation with her.

We recently did a group project together with me, her, and two other guys and she seemed to talk to me a lot more than she did either of them and one of them is fairly good friends with her. I think she may be attracted to me but I’m not 100% sure and I don’t want to do or say something stupid to make her dislike me.

I need help!

She’s in a relationship but he’s joined the air force and is being shipped out this week and I’m fairly positive they’re breaking up. If they do I want to be the first one to ask her out because she’s extraordinarily beautiful and I don’t think I’ll have this chance for very long.

Please help me ASAP - PLEASE!



Ok, so let's analyze this a little deeper:

You've been interested in this girl for about 2 years and you are too scared to pull the trigger with her until you're 100% sure that you're safe and won't get rejected if you approach her. Further, you've been waiting in line to tap her and hope that there's nobody in front of you. Also, you think because she's pretty that she's out of your league and you want me to help fix all of this for you so that you don't take any risks.

Have I about summed it all up pretty well?

What the hell??? You want life to give you different rules than all the rest of us have to deal with. Sorry, it's not going to happen. Yes, I can teach you how to approach this girl - or any girl - and get what you want, but it's not going to happen through these messages. If you really want that sort of guarantee you have a lot of work and study ahead of you.

Here's what's going to happen if you continue on this course: some other guy with enough balls to see her as a real person is going to just walk up and sweep her off her feet and you're going to go back to the end of the line. At least you won't be alone - I'm sure there'll be lots of other guys there with you - all cowards that weren't able to pull the trigger either.

If you want different options for your life, you're going to have to make different choices for yourself. You're going to have to get past the belief that you have to have 100% assurances in anything. You never get that. You're going to have to be willing to take some measured risks in order to get what you really want.

So, STOP giving this girl all this power over you! She's pretty, ok, I get it. Big deal! There are TONS and TONS of pretty girls out there. She's just one of many. "But wait Doc, she's DIFFERENT!" Yeah, I know. She's different - just like every other girl.

Until you see this clearly, you're always going to have less power than she does. The sad news about that however is that she WANTS you to have MORE power than she does! Important lesson here: women date "up", not "down".

So, most ignorant guys then go rushing off to try to impress girls. When you do that, you simply prove that you're not as powerful as she is - otherwise, why would you be working so hard? Girls see right through that one as well.

So, here's what you need to do: just go tell her that you want to get to know her better and ask her which day is better: Thursday or Friday of next week (or whenever). Be bold and direct. Don't worry about the conversation skills; you're going to learn how to solve that next.

Don't say, "Hey, er, um, do you want to go out with me?" That gives her the chance to say "no". You already have some rapport with her and she's showing you some important signs of attraction, so just assume she WANTS to go out with you and give her the choice of days. While you’re at it, get her digits too by saying, "Here, write your number down here." Don't ask her, tell her.

Next, go to my website ( and click on self help, then read my FAQ's. There, you'll find some important information on conversation skills.

Stop waiting for the perfect times or the perfect situations or to be 100% sure of anything. That's what losers do - and these never, ever come. Instead, go MAKE your dreams come true.

Best regards...
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at Follow me on Facebook ( and Twitter (

Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 2 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 30,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

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