Want to Save Your Marriage From Divorce? 5 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Save Your Marriage

The moment you hear or fear the word divorce, you probably will go immediately into panic mode and rush to do whatever your can to save your marriage. However, by blindly hurrying to try to save your marriage from collapse, chances are you're going to make one or more of these 5 disastrous mistakes. Here's what they are and how to avoid them.
1. Begging and Pleading
Not only does this make you seem desperate, it's going to have the opposite effect you're trying to achieve. Instead of having your partner feel sympathy, empathy and a willingness to work toward fixing the problems, they will likely feel disgust...or worse. They may feel as if they have the upper hand and that you are no longer equals. And why would anyone want a partner who isn't their equal or better?
2. Taking Total Blame
Unless you actually did something that is causing your marriage to collapse such as having an affair(s) or gambling away the family's life savings, taking total blame for a marriage's problems gives the other person an easy way out. After all, why should they try to help fix the situation if tell them that they weren't at fault or contributed to the marriage's demise? They can't be held accountable for their actions if you're volunteering to take the blame. If you want to save your marriage, you have to realize that when your marriage is heading for a divorce, it's likely because the two of you contributed to the problems.
3. Responding to the Emotions - What He Means, Not What He Says
When your spouse is furiously telling you that your marriage is nearing an end, chances are emotions are running high. Things often get said in the heat of the moment that is likely fuelled by anger, resentment, wanting to inflict pain or just feeling hurt. If you respond to the emotional outburst and the angry words, you're more likely to become defensive and say things that you don't mean. Instead try to calmly and actively listen to what your spouse is actually saying and what he really means. Talk less, listen more. Repeat what they said in a calm and edited manner. "I just want to make sure I understand you. If I heard you correctly, you would like it if I___. Is that correct?" By repeating what they are saying without the rage, they know that you're actively paying attention.
4. Making Promises That You Can't Keep
In your zeal to fix things and save your marriage, you may be tempted to make promises you can't possibly keep in the short term or the long run. "I promise that we'll make love every day." "I promise that I'll lose 20 lbs by the end of the month." "I promise that I won't buy any clothes for the next two years." "I promise I'll fix everything that's broken in the house by the end of tomorrow." or "I promise that I'll make my boss give me a raise."
Whatever you perceive to be the so-called complaint, it's likely that that's not what the real problem is to begin with. But if you take the bait and make unrealistic promises, you're just adding fuel to the fire if you fail to do as exactly as you said. "See! You broke your promise. I guess you don't care about me or the marriage after all." It's essential that you find out what the core problem is and deal with that if you want to save your marriage.
5. Giving in to All of Your Spouse's Demands
Marriage is about give and take. It's not about total submission. If you become subservient, if you essentially become a doormat, you're not helping to save your marriage. Instead you are giving your partner little reason to respect you. Who can possibly respect someone who has so little respect for themselves? And how can you possibly have a successful marriage without respect? You aren't the only person who contributed to your marriage's problems; therefore you shouldn't be the only one who needs to make changes. While some people may say that it's easier to go along to get along, in a happy and fruitful partnership, it's important that there be compromise and teamwork, not submission.
Avoid these 5 common mistakes when your relationship is headed for trouble and you'll be well on your way to saving your marriage.