Weeds in the Garden of Life; Depression

In every garden of life; there are weeds.

Weeds are vivacious predators that strangle plants and deplete them of their oxygen. They mask themselves in beautiful floral patterns in an attempt to blend into the garden’s surroundings, virtually unnoticed. Obstacles in your own life are similar to the“weeds;” they enter into your garden creating havoc before you even realize they are there. Unlike weeds, we cannot always control our aggressors simply by plucking them out of the ground and throwing them away. Life just isn’t like that.

Life is more complex. It can take years to get the weeds in your garden of life under control.

I spent the greater part of my life pretending that I didn’t have any issues, problems or “weeds”. I had convinced myself that my problems were minute in comparison to other people's.

Complaining was never really an acceptable practice. To be honest, there was never anyone around to complain to anyway. All I had to do, to survive each day, was put on my big girl pants and pretend. I got so good at it, I could no longer tell the difference.

My friends, family and colleagues would probably describe me somewhat like this; “She is a great person, nice and friendly.” “She has always helped people and she is strong and somewhat overly opinionated.” Although that is somewhat accurate; there is a side to me that everyone had yet to see. I kept that part of me hidden, hidden so far from the world, I had convinced myself it didn’t exist. I didn’t want to believe, or perhaps was afraid to admit; that it existed.

Somewhere, deep inside my heart, I always knew it was there.

It was always there; lurking around, waiting for the moment when it would manifest itself into something. That something, is a weed called depression.

Depression is a medical condition. For the thousands of people who suffer from it, it is physically and mentally debilitating.

Many people refuse to believe that it is a medical condition. As a result of this shameful denial, people suffer from it, in silence and often in fear of ridicule or shame. Most do not seek medical help, until it is too late. I know, because; that is exactly what I did.

I used to reason, “How could I have depression, I have everything a person could ever want; a house, a family, and a job?” “I spent my entire life helping everyone else; how come I cannot seem to help myself?” “What do you have to be sad about? There are people worse off then you are, are there not?”

What I know now, that I did not know then, these types of questions are simply part of the disease. They were my attempt to try to control my “weeds.” When I would ask myself these questions, I felt calm and focused, the depression would go away; at least until the next time it reared its' ugly head. However, just like spraying your garden with pesticides, it was only a “band aid” solution; the weeds still existed.

When I was fifteen, I swallowed a jar of aspirin. I wanted everyone to stop calling me names and bothering me. I was so afraid that I would die, I told my mother and she rushed me to the hospital. For precaution sake (and I think to teach me a lesson), they pumped my stomach. It was the worse experience ever. I never told anyone, until now. I felt ashamed and embarrassed and I still do.

It was the beginning of my life dealing with depression. Yes, it began when I was a teenager, I just did not realize it then.

I still wonder why I swallowed the aspirin that day. I often ask myself, “What made me hurt so much inside that I would want to do this? I think I know some of the answers, but I do not know all the reasons why.

Part of me just wanted to be noticed, and the other part was dealing with something I had no control over.

Unfortunately, we do not always find the answers that we were looking for. All we can do is; deal with them, one weed at a time.

The first part of my healing was to seek help from a doctor to control this depression. My case was worse than I had suspected. He informed me that without medication, I could not control the depression. I had to accept this was to be my path. I have been on depression medication for years and it is unlikely to change. I had let the depression go for so long, it needed to be controlled for a longer period. Luckily, some sufferers do not need long term medication and only need the medication during a rough patch. You will only know when you seek the help you need.

I stopped pretending that I could solve the problems of the world, I decided that I had to take some time for me and smell the roses. I finally got my depression under control, worked out the weeds in my garden and started to do the things that I wanted to do. When I began to do that, the answers were easier to find and resolve.

Now, I wander through my garden of life smelling the flowers instead of plucking weeds and I hope that you can too. Do not let depression stop you from growing and do not let the weeds in your garden overwhelm you.

Seek medical attention if you think you have Depression. You can find information on the symptoms here. Yes, depression is a serious disease, but it is not something to be ashamed of.

I am a well known blogger and marketing expert, I own my own company called seo-socialmedia.net, I am a Depression survivor and I am not ashamed!