What Am I Doing Wrong With Guys?

Why is it so hard to find a nice guy for a serious relationship? Why is it that all the good ones are married? What am I doing wrong??? These questions can drive you crazy and keep you awake at night.

There are many mistakes that women make in their search for the perfect relationship. Here are a few of them.

Looking for the Perfect Relationship

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. We’re all human; we all have flaws. We often fail to see the nice guy standing right in front of us. He isn’t perfect, but neither are you. Decide what’s really important to you, and what areas you’re willing to compromise on.

Be careful not to go to the opposite extreme. Many women relax their standards too far. For some it’s too easy to see a man’s “possibilities” and fantasize about being the one to rescue him from his troubles. Other women have such low self esteem, they don’t believe they deserve a good man, and seem to deliberately choose a series of losers. Finally, other women don’t really want a serious relationship, so they choose seriously flawed men in order to have an excuse to end the relationship anytime.

Giving too Much too Soon

Deciding if and when it is appropriate to have sex is a problem for many women. Some men dump a woman as soon as they “score”. They may lose respect if a woman is too easy, or lose interest if she seems “impossible”.

Being too Desperate

If you’re so desperate that you see every date as a precursor to marriage, your desperation may scare off men before they have a chance to get to know you.

Being too Possessive

Very few things will kill a relationship quicker than possessiveness. Whether it manifests as constant demands for togetherness, jealous accusations, or emotional needs that are too “high maintenance,” possessiveness is often rooted in low self esteem due to past rejection issues.

Proactive Steps You Can Take

Take some time and analyze your past experiences. Look for patterns. Be especially aware of problems such as substance abuse, domestic violence, or infidelity. Seeing a counselor may help you identify self-destructive patterns and establish a plan for making better decisions.

Stop looking for “the perfect husband” and focus on developing a mature friendship. Think things through. Thousands of women meet men in bars and then spend years complaining about the man drinking. Just like men who are amused by the number of whose their girlfriend owns only to go ballistic at how much their wife spends on shoes. Don’t fall into the trap of totally abandoning “you” (or expecting him to totally abandon “him” to become “us.” A mature relationship has room for individuality as well as togetherness.