Emotions can be so confusing and most people want to immediately be rid of what they are feeling. As part of the human race we experience emotions and our emotions really do serve a purpose for us. They serve a purpose in our lives, our relationships, our jobs, and our families and they even keep us safe in certain situations, so we want to be able to feel those emotions and learn from them. The challenge is to not get locked up in the emotions or be so focused on them that the emotions take over our very being. The primary definition that explains emotions best for me is this: “A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.” I like to define words often so as to ensure everyone is on the same page as different words mean different things to different people. Now that I’ve clarified what emotions are, the question is how do they truly serve us? And can we get rid of them? I’ll first start with how our emotions serve us and then discuss releasing them.

Emotions provide us pertinent information in our lives. If someone is experiencing guilt for example, I pose the question to that person “What purpose is guilt serving for you?” Generally speaking, the answer comes back that the person is feeling guilty about what they did so they know not to do it again. Perfect. Guilt served its purpose to teach that person where they stands on a specific issue and is speaking to say please do not repeat that behavior again, it has consequences you don’t like. Now, once the person has come to realize the purpose for the feeling, does it serve a purpose to feel those feelings any longer? I say no. At the point one learns the reason for the feeling, he/she can choose to let it go and release it. It may come back from time to time on that particular issue as a reminder, but there is no real reason to keep holding on to it. If the person cannot let it go, there is more to be learned about that feeling of guilt. I would ask the person to delve deeper to discover the reason he/she is holding onto that guilt? Asking yourself questions is crucial to uncovering what purpose an emotion is serving or why you are holding on to it. Ultimately, if there is no need to hold onto it, we can choose in our minds to release it.

If using the mind is not working effectively to release the emotion, there is somatic work we can do to help release it further. We can breathe deeply through our nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale out our nose slowly. We can repeat this exercise over and over and allow the feeling to be present and let it slowly dissipate out of our being. If there is still a remnant of the feeling, we can sit with it quietly and let it be there without fighting it. Fighting our feelings creates a counterforce and makes the feelings come on stronger, so sitting with those feelings helps to take away some or all of the power away from our feelings.

A final exercise that I personally use often is a powerful exercise that I found through Eckhart Tolle’s work. It truly helps to keep me in the present moment and focusing on the now. You use your mind to put your attention first on your feet and hold your attention there for 5-15 seconds then move up the body to the ankles for 5-15 seconds, then to the lower legs for 5-15 seconds and continually move up the body doing this pattern until you reach the head and focused there for 5-15 seconds. In most cases, the attention has been moved to our bodies and we have become so relaxed that the feeling has passed and served its full purpose. There are cases where the emotions we are feeling are much larger than what is being discussed here, grief for example, which requires we talk to someone and do much deeper work in order to manage through those particular emotions. Grief is not intended to move out of our lives so quickly and much more work needs to be done around letting go of grief and sadness.

One can use all of the techniques I’ve mentioned time and again as different emotions surface. Be patient through the process as some emotions have more to teach us than others and won’t go away until we delve deep enough to learn what they are trying to teach us.

Author's Bio: 

Julia started Breakthrough Facilitation as a way to accomplish her dream to empower others to uncover their authentic selves and develop new ways to communicate in order to create deeper levels of understanding and peace in all relationships. Her approach to Breakthrough Facilitation is primarily based on the belief that everyone has the ability to learn and grow through life’s challenges and deserves to be their best in life. She believes there are a few key areas that can hold people back from having fulfilling lives and keep them from getting what they want. She believes breaking through old thought patterns and behaviors that keep people stuck is crucial to change. She challenges her clients to breakthrough to a deeper self awareness, more powerful communication, uncover hidden aspects of themselves, crumble disempowering beliefs and FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) as all of these areas affect our lives and prevent us from taking action and making changes. She will inspire you to develop new communication skills, gain deeper self awareness, learn ways to improve self-esteem and gain personal power in your life.

Julia understands what it is like to have a lack of self understanding, fear, unconscious thinking, negative patterns of behavior, lack of self-esteem, and communication challenges in relationships because she’s been through it all and has learned better ways of managing through all of those life struggles. She knows what it takes to create a positive path to a better future. She knows the support needed to breakthrough those old patterns of thoughts and behaviors and wants to be that support to guide you through to the path of freedom. She wants to contribute to the lives of as many people as possible in order for them to achieve true happiness within themselves and within all of their relationships.

Julia’s Education, Experience & Training

Julia is a certified coach and holds an MA in Counseling Psychology from JFK University where she completed a 1000 hours of supervised practicum. During the first year of her training, she worked in a school system to counsel children. Her second year was spent working with couples, families & individuals.

As an undergrad, Julia earned a B.S. in Business Administration. Her prior employment experience includes Project Management and Implementation Consultant working for corporations such as Office Max, Coventry Health Care, Titan Enterprises, and Century Theatres. She also held positions in Human Resources, Technical Recruiting, and various areas of Finance.
Julia’s employment background, education, and training as a Marriage and Family Therapist gives her a versatile approach to educating, coaching and facilitating change. She is committed to maintain a high standard of ethics and do her ultimate best to assist others to succeed with their goals.