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What to Do If Your Ex Calls You During No Contact

Written by Steve Steiner

Topic: Relationship AdvicePublished May 12, 2011
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If you’ve been dumped, you probably know about the No Contact rule whether or not you’re trying to get back together with your ex. Basically all you do is you completely stop contacting your ex for one month. This gives you the time to heal and get your own emotions under control.

But what do you do if your ex tries to contact you during this one month period? Should you talk to them, or should you just keep them waiting?

Well, it really depends on a lot of things.

First, if you’re trying to do this just to get your ex to contact you, then you probably can and should talk to them. Although I don’t approve of psychological manipulation to trick your ex into coming back to you, it’s really up to you what you want to do. If your ex is contacting you, and that is specifically what your goal was, then pick up the phone. Mission accomplished.

Secondly, if you are doing the No Contact for the purpose of keeping yourself from doing things that you’ll probably regret, such as arguing with your ex, contacting them several times per day, or otherwise harassing them, then you should not get back in contact with your ex. Don’t do it, especially if you don’t think you can trust yourself to keep your impulses under control.

Third, if you are doing the No Contact to help you personally heal and recover from the pain of the break up, then it really depends on your current state of mind. Being around your ex can reopen emotional wounds and may cause you to regress in your recovery.

It really depends on if you feel strong enough to reopen the doors of contact between you and your ex or not. Only you can know for sure if you’re ready for this, so take a look inside and ask yourself if you can handle seeing or contacting your ex.

No matter what your primary reason for doing the No Contact, you want to make sure that you are prepared emotionally for all the complex emotions that may get stirred up when you start contacting your ex again. You must be emotionally prepared for the reality that your ex may be seeing someone new or that they may have some other form of news that could take you by surprise.

So, whether or not you should restore contact when your ex reaches out to you during a period of No Contact is really a choice that you have to make. It really depends on the reason for doing No Contact in the first place and your own personal level of emotional readiness.

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About the Author

If you are taking a break in a relationship and you'd like to learn more about what you can do, check out the Relationship Inner Game blog where you'll learn how to deal with all sorts of relationship problems from break ups to fighting in relationships. Steve Steiner enjoys helping men improve their relationship and manage the problems that they may experience in relating with and dating women.

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