What You Should Consider Before Getting Back With Your Ex

A relationship, like a favorite article of clothing, can provide a certain level of comfort and familiarity. At times, however, that comfort and familiarity may actually be detrimental. If a relationship has ended, sometimes the loss of that comfort can cause a person to rush right back into that same relationship, setting up for future problems. Other times, a relationship may legitimately deserve a second chance. How do you know if you should get back together with an ex?

The first thing to consider is how much time has passed. If the breakup only recently occurred, you may not be in the best position to determine if the relationship is worth a second chance. In the aftermath of a breakup, especially after a long relationship, you may be tempted to look at the relationship through rose-colored glasses, overlooking or excusing legitimate reasons why it ended. Let at least one month for each year of the relationship to pass before considering whether you and your ex should get back together.

Once enough time has passed to objectively evaluate the relationship, the next step is to determine why it ended in the first place. For example, has it become apparent that the relationship ended because of a relatively minor misunderstanding? If so, then perhaps the real problem was not with the relationship itself. It may, instead, have been a problem with the communication within the relationship. If that is the case, and the other fundamentals of the relationship are strong, you and your ex may decide that getting back together—and working hard to improve your communication—may be the wise course of action.

On the other hand, what if the relationship ended because of some fundamental difference between you and your ex? Did one of you want children while the other never did? Were there irreconcilable differences on how any future children might be raised? Did you have fundamental differences in where you saw yourselves being in 5, 10, or even 20 years? It is true that oftentimes, as the saying goes, opposites attract. However, unless your differences can be used to compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses, those differences can eventually pull you apart. If that is what caused your breakup to begin with, getting back together may simply be setting you, and your ex, up for future heartbreak.

In short, let time pass and then thoroughly analyze why the relationship ended. Sometimes you will find that the relationship ended for very good reasons. Conversely, you may also realize that the fundamentals of the relationship were actually quite strong, and worth working on the one or two small things that prematurely ended it. Either way, whether you get back with your ex or not, you can be confident that you will be making the choice that is right for you.