Many people I work with are looking for a new beginning in their relationship. It almost seems like an oxymoron to think of having a new beginning in a relationship with someone that perhaps you’ve been with for 5, 10 or even 20 years. How can that happen?

It happens because you have decided you are ready for a new beginning. That’s right. That’s all you have to do is make that decision that you’re READY, and it will happen!
It is not unusual for me to get a call or email asking if I can do couple counseling with only one person. Whoever is calling knows that something different needs to change in their relationship to meet their needs more and to increase levels of wholeness or joy. But, their partner has no interest in coming with them. What should they do?

Well my answer is yes, you can do couples counseling with only one person! Interesting, isn’t it? But the truth of it is, when one person makes a change in the relationship, the other person will automatically begin to create change as well. It’s usually done on an unconscious basis, and they’re not even aware that that is what they’re doing. But they can’t keep doing the same behavior if YOU DON’T!

Let me give you an example from my practice.
I have a couple where the person coming into to see me is very upset over her husband’s authoritarian style with their children. He is very controlling, rigid and harsh with how he treats them. She was raised to communicate about what is bothering her, so she speaks with the children about their behavior, asking them what consequences they feel they deserve if they break the rules, etc. Her husband is outraged at this approach and wants to spank or yell at them instead. Their different parenting styles is causing distance, anger and is making her go behind his back when dealing with the children.

As she started talking to me about these differences, I asked her what would happen if she could be authentic in her approach. What would happen if she used her style of parenting with the children that was effective in front of her husband, and then used the good communication style I spoke about last week in her conversations with him?
“When you want to spank and yell at the kids for leaving their bikes lying on the driveway, it makes me very upset and uncomfortable and makes me not want to talk to you about anything and keep my distance. I want to be close to you and tell you everything, so if we can come to a compromise it would be so easy to want to be with you.”

When she changed her style of communication EVERY single time, the difference finally allowed him to hear her. He didn’t want her to be distant with him and hide things, so he eventually decided to come to a session. He realized he was actually emulating his parents style of parenting which he hated growing up!

One person and one change can create a new beginning no matter how long you’ve been in the relationship!

Is there a relationship where you would like to make a new beginning?

Author's Bio: 

Petey Silveira has more than 30 years of combined experience as a marriage and family therapist, author, radio show host, and spiritual teacher. Trained in traditional mental health counseling, past-life regression and hypnotherapy, Petey guides her clients to their path of healing, peace and clarity through the mind, body and soul connection.

Petey’s recent book, Musings To Help The Soul Remember, is a testament to her ability to create peace in people’s lives. Through daily meditation, Petey receives healing and inspirational messages in the form of insightful metaphors, known as “musings.” As reader’s journal after reading each of the 60 musings, they begin feeling a profound shift in consciousness and reveal the path to their happiest lifetime. You can have an inkling as to what it is about when you listen to her CD, Musings To Help The Soul Remember, a unique collection of 30 new inspirations for your body, mind and soul that are completely different from her book. She also has created two guided meditation CD’s on Finding Your Path To Peace and Finding Your Soul’s Purpose.

Petey’s expertise as an author, radio show host and life coach is shared as she is now embarking on a series of speaking engagements throughout the country. Her personality, wit and knowledge are easily seen as New Pathway To Healing blogtalkradio show host and during her workshops on receiving your own answers within yourself through meditation. You can read her daily inspirational musings and healing messages on her blog at newpathwaytohealing.com or through her facebook fan page.

Petey received her master’s in marriage and family therapy from the University of Virginia in 1977. After nine years as a counselor in special education schools, Petey established her private practice in 1986 as a licensed marriage and family therapist. Petey was certified in NLP Hypnotherapy, followed by intensive training in past-life regression techniques with Dr. Brian Weiss in 1991. As one of the few trained past-life regression therapists, Petey is often requested for private sessions, group workshops and seminars throughout the United States.