"I need to be okay." This is the conditioned mantra of the human mind, so the ego pursues a need to justify itself and always make itself okay. It will find many ways to make it so, even if it has to ignore the painful or imbalanced issues in one's life. These are called ego defenses and they are not to be confused with defending the truth. While this may seem obvious to those who are aware, clarifying the differences with yourself may make all the difference in the world right now, and whether you descend through the perpetuation of self-deceptions or you serve as a vessel of change for humanity's good.

An ego defense is a mechanism of self-protection. When a part of you feels anxious, afraid and unsafe, it will create another version of reality that is perceived to be safer. In doing so s/he can still feel like s/he is okay. As an adult, an ego defense arises as an impulse and unconscious reaction to a circumstance that your ego perceives to be threatening. However, self-protection is rooted in long-standing coping patterns that were deemed essential for survival by your inner child. Needing to be accepted is programmed by society from a very young age, and so your wounded self will seek ways to justify itself in order to gain approval, belonging, and love. While your body grew physically, this part of you has continued to feel emotionally vulnerable and uses these coping mechanisms to avoid the discomfort.

These are some of the common ego defenses. Which ones do you tend to use most?

Rationalizing; applying a false reason to be right; facts are twisted to support your own behaviours
Example; "Of course I had to lie to her, it was for her own good."

Denial: completely refusing to acknowledge the reality of the situation
Example: "What addiction? I only have one drink every night."

Minimizing; making less of the emotional pain.
Example: "Whatever. I don't mind. It's not like it happens every day."

Intellectualizing; avoiding the emotional vulnerability by focusing on logical reasoning or thinking.
Example: "On this matter, I first have to weigh in on the possibility that.........."

Projecting; putting your own unacceptable or uncomfortable thoughts about yourself onto others; blaming.
Example: I'm not an angry person. He's the angry person. He makes me feel like I want to explode."

However, there are many other creative ways that you may protect and guard yourself to avoid vulnerability, not just when you are relating to others, but firstly in relationship with yourself:
• turning a blind eye to self-honesty and what you already know to be true
• deflecting the focus on you by not responding directly to a question
• using humour to avoid the tension
• exaggerating the problem to justify your victim consciousness
• repressing painful beliefs, emotions, or memories
• inflating your importance to avoid seeing yourself as equal to others with similar painful experiences
• digging in your heels despite contrary evidence
• transferring inner conflict to physical pain
• regressing to earlier stages of development
• shutting down another person's right to expression and choice because you're uncomfortable
• using social acceptability to act out unacceptable or destructive behaviours such as addictions
• being alarmist or dramatic to avoid vulnerability
• drawing attention to yourself to bolster yourself beyond insecurity
• refusing to co-operate, confront or negotiate
• fixating on mental thinking instead of feeling
• lying to cover up shame
• being intimidating
• isolating or withdrawing
• sacrificing your personal needs to please others and get love and acceptance
• being silent or aloof, and not sharing
• staying busy with distractions
• hiding your spiritual self

Defensive is an attempt to regain control in a situation when you feel like your emotional self will get out of control. You do not want to confront your emotional pain or be exposed in your pain in front of another person. This is too frightening to your ego so you find a way to compensate for your insecurity. To try to regain your sense of power and equalize your position in the exchange, your ego will try to take power from another person by attempting to create doubt, chaos, misdirection, unsteadiness, fear, or intimidation, which are all aggressive stances of power over another. This can also be accomplished through passive postures: crying, playing victim or being aloof and walking away. In the latter case, the intent is to hook the other person and pull their energy toward you. However, these tactics just create an imbalance of energies and bypass the truth.

All these ego defenses perpetuate self-deception because they avoid owning the truth of what currently exists in one's life and the truth of life itself. A person can behave defensively not just in one moment or experience, but be defended as a way of being in this world. From this perception, life is unsafe, and s/he is separate from others. Others are to be feared and they can't be trusted, so the person shields themselves from emotional connection with themselves and others. God is usually an external force and also to be feared. The program of the vengeful God is a deep-seated mind control program created with the intention of keeping humanity in exactly this disempowered state of consciousness; if the truth of the Divine nature of humanity is hidden through deception, then we will continue to recycle in ego distortions and protect the negative alien agenda. We will always feel unsafe and always see ourselves as victims.

If you are willing to be vulnerable and own your emotions, choices and behaviours, you demonstrate self-responsibility and self-acceptance of your humanness. Nobody enjoys feeling unsafe, but to continue to use old ego defenses stunts emotional growth. Through healing and the development of your emotional and spiritual maturity, you recognize that there is no shame in learning and growing. You clarify your truth and learn to see yourself as a confident, and capable being, who can give and receive love with comfort, who can relate to others with honesty and transparency, and who knows their own emotional landscape and trusts themselves in any circumstance that arises. Being vulnerable with yourself can be transformative when you hold yourself in compassionate witness. Then you know you are okay. Then you relax and no longer have a need to justify yourself to anyone in any way.

Loving-kindness is also required when faced with someone else who is being defensive. To tell someone that they are being defensive can push them deeper into their fear, and therefore, deeper into their need to defend. It's much like cornering a frightened child. Instead, you can simply serve them by gently pointing out their behaviours – what they are saying and doing that is circumventing the issue at hand. This must be done with neutrality, non-judgment and empathy. For example, if someone says "No, I'm not being defensive, and I have a right to be angry because you're always late!", then you offer specifics to return awareness to the undisputable facts and the truth: you may say, "You told me that it was fine with you if I was late for dinner, but now you seem angry with me." You can even be more explicit about their angry behaviour: "You have not looked at me in the eyes since I arrived, you've said only a few words to me, and they have been clipped and said through clenched teeth."

There are times when defending yourSelf is appropriate – when truth is at stake. This is when your boundaries are being violated, your free will is being usurped, or your truth is being twisted. In other words, someone is trying to make you other than the truth of who you are. Sometimes, you may be attacked simply because there is great dissonance between their lower frequency and your higher energy frequency. However, this defending does not require anger, posturing, self-inflation, competition or any form of attack or justification. There is no room for ego here and self-honesty is required to discern with yourself if you are indeed free of ego. This defending is done through authentic power and neutral observation. It might feel like being grounded, calm, centered, assertive, and non-attached. When this Self is engaged in an exchange with another person, defending can be like a laser of Light slicing through darkness: effortless and clear. Again, it's just honouring truth. If you are already stable and activated in your inner core Spirit, there is nothing to do but hold steady or recommit to what you already know to be true - be Your Highest Expression as One with God. The 12-dimensional Shield is an excellent tool for commanding your power in this way, as it holds the energy signature "I AM God, I AM Sovereign, I AM Free."

In this ascension timeline, the call is to take a stand for truth and live your truth. This means that when old ego deceptions surface they have to be called out into the open. They cannot be dissolved in the Light if we continue to hide in shame behind ego defenses. The world cannot heal if we cannot have understanding and compassion in those times when we or others feel unsafe. Humanity cannot grow unless we stop self-protecting. We have the choice to free ourselves and already know that we are okay in our God power and right, and Unity consciousness.

Author's Bio: 

Amâeil (Melinda Urban RIHR) discovered her innate gift of discerning consciousness patterns through her own challenging spiritual awakening, and counseling individuals since 2000 as an intuitive energy psychotherapist and 12-dimensional holographic healing facilitator. She's a master at unravelling any confusion in your concerns, even the really stubborn patterns that have stopped you from living with authentic power and loving yourself, perhaps across multiple lifetimes. She gets right to the core of your issue with gentle, compassionate higher guidance. When she's not helping individuals, couples, children or animals, she continues to dedicate herself to humanity's liberation through the sacred, balanced embodiment of the Divine feminine and masculine within. Her website www.AwakeningtheTruthWithin.com offers over 100 educational and inspiring articles, free tools, and healing chants, so that we can all wake up one day to be in awe of the peace everywhere!