By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
September 19, 2016

Which part of you – your ego wounded self or your loving adult – is in charge of your decision making process?

Which part of you makes your day-to-day decisions, as well as your major decisions - your wounded self or your loving adult?

Which part of you makes the decision to move back into a relationship with someone who has consistently backed out whenever the subject of marriage comes up?

Which part of you chooses to have sex with someone who is not committed to you, just because you feel turned on, even though you consistently end up feeling sad, empty or rejected?

Which part of you keeps yelling at your children when they don't do their homework, even though you can see that it is creating resistance?

Which part of you continues to judge yourself, hoping to motivate yourself, even though over and over it leads to immobilization and low self-esteem?

Which part of you keeps putting yourself aside for someone else, hoping that the other person will eventually open up and love you?

Which part of you consistently worries and ruminates over relationships, money or work?

Which part of you keeps nagging at your partner, hoping that your criticism will bring about change?

Which part of you keeps defending or explaining, hoping to have control over getting your partner to see you differently?

If you are doing any of these things, as well as many other controlling, protective behaviors, then your wounded self is in charge of your decision making process.

We cause ourselves much pain when we allow our ego wounded self to be in charge of our decision making. Our wounded self is a programmed part of us - filled with beliefs that we absorbed from the time we were very small. Our wounded self cannot know what is true and what is not, what is in your highest good and what is not, what is loving and what is not. Your wounded self doesn't have the decision making skills that you need to make healthy decisions.

Our wounded self can only know what is programmed into our minds, and many of these programs - these beliefs - are not based on the truth. They are based on myths that have been handed down over generations.

How, then, can we know what is true and what is not, what is in our highest good and what is not?

Only by opening to learning with our spiritual Guidance.

"Truth" is not something we generate within our own programmed and limited minds. It is something we need to open to and allow in from Spirit.

God has given us a wonderful way of knowing when we have put our wounded self in charge of our decisions, and when our loving adult is in charge. When we are allowing the lies of our ego wounded self to have dominion over our choices, we will often feel anxious, depressed, fearful, numb, empty or alone. When we allow the truth from Spirit to have dominion over our choices, and our loving adult takes action based on the truth, we will feel inner peace, safety and joy, even in the face of fear or challenges.

Staying tuned into our feelings teaches us to discern the difference between the voice of our wounded self and the voice of our spiritual Guidance. Our habitual, default setting regarding our choices is our wounded self. If we are not consciously choosing what voice to listen to, we will automatically listen to our wounded self. This is why it is so important to practice staying in Step One of Inner Bonding - being aware of your feelings. Your feelings will instantly tell you which part of you is in charge in any given moment.

Because we have been operating from our wounded selves much of our lives, shifting dominion to our loving adult/spiritual Guidance takes practice and consciousness. This shift will not happen without deliberate intention. This is why it is so important to keep on practicing Inner Bonding daily until it becomes your way of being. The practice of Inner Bonding will eventually create the shift from your wounded self making your decisions to your loving adult being in charge of your decision making process.

Learn to connect with your spiritual Guidance with "Frequency: Your Spiritual Guidance & The Art of Manifestation," A 30-Day at-home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul.

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Photo by Paul Gilmore

Author's Bio: 

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone and Skype Sessions Available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!