Who Will Be the Adult?

Things happen. People become angry or upset. We can say and do unkind things to each other. In conflict, we want to be right. This is the human condition. There is always an answer. The answer is you. The question is: "Who will be the adult?" Who will be the one who is most sane and can bring a sense of peace or resolution to a situation? It's you.

When we are in conflict, we humans mostly act like children. We become self-centered. We are unable to see the other person's perspective. We focus on what "they" have done to us or on what "they" should be doing for us. We think, on an emotional level, that everything should revolve around us. It's about "me"--my needs, my conce
s, my this and my that. We become stuck on the third note of the scale--- mi, mi, mi. When you find yourself in this situation, become aware. Become aware that you are in the midst of insanity and that you are participating in it. It's time to grow up.

When you find yourself embattled, under attack, on the attack, feeling victimized stop. Stop running your story through your mind and just observe. Ask yourself: "What is happening here? What do I really want?" As you observe yourself, ask if this is the person you want to be. These reflective questions will push you into adult mode. As long as egos are clashing, the result will be unsatisfactory. The ego is fear based and is the child within you. It wants what it wants, but its motto is: Seek and do not find.

The ego promises satisfaction if you just keep insisting that you are right and that the other person is wrong. It promises satisfaction if you can be the victim. It promises satisfaction but it cannot deliver. The ego seeks to justify itself, defending its point of view. Enter the adult in you. The adult is self reflective. The adult takes full responsibility for his/her thoughts and behaviors. The adult knows that the Universe does not revolve around him/her. The adult sees other people in terms of their needs, not his/her own needs.

Once you find yourself in adult mode, ask yourself: "What needs to happen to resolve this?" This can be a question and it can be a prayer. You want to see this differently, because how you see the problem---IS the problem. Contemplating or praying to see more clearly is how you access a higher mind than your ego. You may find that you need to apologize. You may find that you just need to be quiet. You may find that another person's outbursts and anger have nothing to do with you. Any of these discoveries will change your thinking and your behavior.

When you let go of your have-to's, your wants, your opinions and judgments, and ask to see more clearly, clarity comes. To think more clearly, free your mind from conflict. To understand, free your mind of judgment. To know what to do, free your mind of worry and fear. To have greater power, let go of blame. When your desire to see clearly what is happening and also what needs to happen becomes greater than your desire to get what you want, you are there. You are the adult. Your adulthood is an example and an invitation to others to grow up. Adulthood is not an ideology or a religion that seeks to impose itself on others. It is a shining light that illuminates the path to peace and well-being. You are that shining light.